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Wait for Me

Submitted by judyanne on Fri, 2012-06-01 13:10

When he was small
if I ever drew ahead
'Wait for me, wait for me,' he would call.
He'd follow with little pumping legs
running so fast
I was afraid he'd fall.
I'd tarry by the open door
so he'd not lose sight of me.

As he grew older
he was always running late.
'Wait for me, wait for me,' he would plead.
Thus for his sake
I would hesitate.
I would heed
the entreaty
and slow my feet,
so by the open door we would meet.

He went on ahead -
he had no choice.
'Wait for me, wait for me,' my soul whispered.
Dread drowned my vapid voice,
faith and hope captured
by panic and dismay.

But he left the door ajar,
so I could still glimpse him from afar
.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

raj

Fri, 2012-06-01 14:59

I am absolutely touched by this one which has moistened my eyes...

raj (sublime_ocean)

judyanne

Fri, 2012-06-01 23:35

judyanne's picture
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for the very kind comments
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

raj

Sat, 2012-06-02 16:01

What's more in this write is the tug of the heartstrings which is felt vividly due to the strength of emotions the words emote..

raj (sublime_ocean)

scribbler

Fri, 2012-06-01 17:40

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I'm pretty sure I know what this is based on and thank you for sharing it with us. And I'm Not such as to dissect s a poem which is this heartfelt............stan

judyanne

Fri, 2012-06-01 23:37

judyanne's picture
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but i am here for crit
if the poem was so close to my heart that a crit would hurt me, then i wouldn't put it out for suggestions
please don't use that excuse again :)
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

weirdelf

Fri, 2012-06-01 20:11

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There are a few inversion for rhyme that bug me a bit.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

judyanne

Fri, 2012-06-01 23:34

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removed
rhyme sacrificed for better grammar
what do you think?

thanks jess
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

weirdelf

Sat, 2012-06-02 00:43

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you would spoil me further.
Yes, love it.
xox

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

loved

Sat, 2012-06-02 00:04

loved's picture

My
wait for me
initially commented upon by ma'am Ann
spoke of the ending sojourn.

A marked difference Judy
should you like to edit that
twill be a double whammy

loved

judyanne

Sun, 2012-06-03 04:45

judyanne's picture
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this is also the ending sojourn xx
thanks for the visit... and i'll look at your write - or have i already?

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Nordic cloud

Sun, 2012-06-03 10:03

Nordic cloud's picture

i rode along the poem as a child rides its three wheeler
over the undulations of the rough unbeaten track,
and was charmed by the visions I saw on my way,
the sound of the tyres rolling with the rhythm,
the beat of my heart sensing the meaning
and the long thread of love that bonded the rider
and the mother together,
invisible ties that are made visible by your poem.

love annanya.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

loved

Sun, 2012-06-03 12:50

loved's picture

you earned a great respect and admiration when you commented on my

Wait for me

poem

then I wrote as Istan...
a name given to me by you..
and you were not too happy with my vocab
there-after .
You declined to read more of mine thence ,..

now my critics say...
I have come a long way ..
would you like to share your current views
If I may request ..

It will be a feather in my cap
only if you so feel..
my sincere regards

loved

judyanne

Mon, 2012-06-04 04:56

judyanne's picture
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for the beautiful response to my poem
love and hugs
judyanne
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Ian.T

Mon, 2012-06-04 06:09

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A lovely yet more than lovely of a bond that forms as strings holding onto each other. Changing places as is life and growing up .
That those strings are there still holding you both is really talking of unconditional love that Siblings hold for each other and that love we strive to feel in all things, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

judyanne

Thu, 2012-06-07 12:16

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for the read and comments
love judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
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