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Wait for me

Submitted by loved on Wed, 2012-03-28 00:28

Wait for me

Wait for me
around the edge of time
the edge of time
when I am called

hold my hands in yours.
press them to show your love
come to my arms
just for a while,
as time slips by
below my feet
in a puff of smoke

I’m about to go
over the cliff
hold me tight
just once more,

for then who knows for sure
whether I shall be anymore
your love is all I sought
these years gone by
how time did fly
none can say

but
when it’s time to go
just be close,
for it’s the last loving way
for one to really say
Oh loved one do please
hold on
do stay

the time has not yet come to go away

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

weirdelf

Wed, 2012-03-28 01:15

weirdelf's picture
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but at least it's lucid!

Honestly, my dear, who has not expressed these maudlin sentiments better?

Yet, I do appreciate you are really saying something, and I can feel it.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

loved

Wed, 2012-03-28 02:13

loved's picture

Thanks after a long time you walk my way

I want you to kindly list 51 gems,
I want to publish a poems book
And
Sale proceeds will go to

CANCER SOCIETY.

Would you like to help me please?

You are that gem
I honor most,
as you are the only one and foremost
who could throw the pail at me
and
yet not let me fail
or else by now I'd be in jail

I regard you as the most superior one
life is not so young
and
soon I may not be with all of you
as you would see for good.

loved

author comment

weirdelf

Wed, 2012-03-28 02:25

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

but editing a book, especially considering your thousands of poems, is way beyond my abilities. I am not an editor. I really would love to help but just can't.

I am deeply struggling myself just with my own poetry, running workshops, the mentor programme, giving critical feedback and above all keeping myself sane.

My deep regrets, but I just can't do it. I wish I could. Your gems are bright and beautiful.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

weirdelf

Wed, 2012-03-28 02:30

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

Choose your best 100 and I will help you try to choose, will that help? The criteria I will use is poems not asking for attention, poems not about poetry and they must be lucid

Send them to me by email, [email protected].

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

loved

Wed, 2012-03-28 05:26

loved's picture

and its OK by thee
Thanks friend for your consideration

Choose your best 100 and I will help you try to choose, will that help? The criteria I will use is poems not asking for attention, poems not about poetry and they must be lucid.......

for sure

loved

author comment

loved

Wed, 2012-03-28 02:37

loved's picture

But if I extricate those diamonds
from the deepened ravines
like Colorado ones,
would you then help?
egoistic Cancer patients like me
Please do spend only a few moments
in say four months
would you be kind to me?
I don't hate ….
two words are not in my vocabulary
First is
Impossible
second is
Hate
only love
I love most as we are all passers by
both you and I
there is no exception
I know of, do you?

ORIGINAL VERSION OF
Wait for me...

Wait for me
Wait for me
around the edge of time
when it’s my time
to go
hold my hands in yours.
press them to show your love
come to my arms
just for a while,
as the time slips
below my feet
in a whiff
I’m about to go
over the cliff
hold me tight
just for once more,
for then who knows for sure
whether I shall be any more

your love is all I sought
these years gone by
how time does fly
none can say
but when it’s time to go
just come once my way,
for it’s the last loving way
for one to really say
Oh loved one do please
hold on
do stay
the time has not yet come
to go away

loved

author comment

Ian.T

Wed, 2012-03-28 03:38

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

I think that the original version of Wait for me was real and a cry from the depths of a soul to be met when ending a journey to be waved off on starting a new one.
Jess has been there with you for many poems and has brought to bear many true words on your works also in doing so has improved the form that you write with, though as we all there is the odd day when it matters not what happens to a work.
It is hard to think along the lines of the author and to be there to exicute the correct forms of writing, one of my main faults where I never seem to have time to write in the ways as written.
Go well young Loved we are all here, Yours Ian.T

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There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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