Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Voice of Rage

Submitted by alidzain on Wed, 2016-03-16 16:58

Sitting on the throne,
spitting on truth, spreading lies!
There's treachery he choose to hone,
under the cloak of disguise?

Shamelessly, he steals
from the people
who yield their trust to him
and uplift him before the world?

When even the poor are slapped with taxes
with such disregard to their needs,
his dignity is a mockery, presented in tatters
by an overwhelming greed!

He's not a leader, but a thief,
painting his face wih smiles and laughter,
ignoring a nation's grief
while he continues to plunder.

When the time comes to face the heat,
his wealth won't save him, not even a dime
for when his reign cease in defeat,
he'll be judged for his crimes.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Sparrow

Wed, 2016-03-16 20:04

Sparrow's picture
Volunteer badge

A piece of unusual writing there Alid, It is outside of your true self, but maybe from a distant memory that allows you to write of such feelings, as we grow things we have seen or been part of and sorted can be written of and this you have done to a high degree.
Take care will talk later, Yours as always Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

alidzain

Wed, 2016-03-16 21:02

alidzain's picture

I am furious, my friend. I see the situation in the current government and I felt a twinge of despair. Its hard for me to find a better job as they seem to want chinese-speaking candidates. Then there's the matter of the government interfering with the CPF, part of the money taken from the peoples' salary. In the past, the muslim elders can use the funds to perform haj in Mecca but now that is not possible. They are giving the money bit by bit each month. Its interfering with the religion. I thought of leaving for Malaysia if things don't improve if I could but what happened? The 1MBD, scandal came up involving the Prime Minister. I talked to some of the malaysians and get info from muslim scholars that rumors had it that some of the money was taken from the people's trust funds meant for those wishing to go to haj. It doesn't stop there. Their government are enforcing taxes, disregarding the poor families living there. This is definitely NOT the teachings of Islam and I'm fed up. The men of power are betraying the people. This is not right.

Alid

author comment

eightmenout

Thu, 2016-03-17 00:14

It seems you have gotten the emotion out and that is good. However, I think that now you need to apply your skill and clean it up. The read is very choppy and stunts some of the emotion.

I personally never really take to political verse where the poetry attacks the time. Rather I suggest for you to try and let the time attack the poetry. An example, albeit in prose, would be The Grapes of Wrath.

Hope this helps

Scott

alidzain

Thu, 2016-03-17 03:53

alidzain's picture

I'm not sure how to do that in this piece. Can you offer another example?

Alid

author comment

eightmenout

Thu, 2016-03-17 09:55

Try making yourself the narrator and tell it from a different perspective. Remove the I and let the reader have more of an opportunity to insert themselves.

Thanks

Scott

eightmenout

Thu, 2016-03-17 11:11

Confused by the last line

Scott

alidzain

Thu, 2016-03-17 12:33

alidzain's picture

I just mean that his power won't last and that he will have to answer for his wrongdoings. By then, not even the money he has could save him.

Alid

author comment

eightmenout

Thu, 2016-03-17 17:54

Why is he being judged for"your"crimes?

Scott

alidzain

Fri, 2016-03-18 14:46

alidzain's picture

lol. Missed that one. Thanks for fointing it out.

Alid

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.