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Visiting Waterloo, Champs de Guerre Extraordinaire

Submitted by Edna Sweetlove on Thu, 2020-01-02 09:02

Waterloo's an historic battlefield, c'est vrai,
Quite near to Brussels (or one of its alternative spellings
in the gorgeously flat land of the Belgians
and also where the sprouts come from, which are,
as well you know, an exciting cause of gas expelled per anum).
FARRRRPPP!

But believe me, mes braves, there is more to it than that:
O yea, o yea, verily indeedy-doo-dah.
I was wandering around the site, a-checking out the graves,
Tapping my tootsies to the tip-top tunes on my earpads
And generally having really very nice time when,
Oy vay! a gang of drug-crazed Germanic bikers
Appeared, sky-high on excessive gluttonising
Of moules avec pommes frites and several gallons of Trappist beer.

In what a virile yet Aryan way they leaped on us and thumped the holy shit
Out of my poor 99 year old mother-in-law (whose name I forget),
And left her lying there spasticated on the glorious battlefield.
And for what, a shared sniff of her stainéd undies,
Sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, and sicker than sick!
I beg you, if you have bothered to read thus far, hold back your tears,
For there is a horrid denouement to come - pin back your lugs!
I needed a metal scoop and a bucket to collect her mortal remains to take home;
Thinking ahead, I shall skip any more 19th century champs de guerre
Preferring instead a visit to Disneyland to have a good old laugh
At the startling morbid obesity of the average American pre-teen,
Thanks to an appetising diet of Coke, burgers and high-fat pizze
Followed by a loll on the sofa watching a load of garbage on the telly.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

Geezer

Thu, 2020-01-02 10:06

Geezer's picture
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what to say. I'm not really sure of the point of this work. If it is somehow to point out that Nazism is still prevalent in this world and no one knows why or is it to point out that obesity is a disease that hits countries that have great amusement parks? ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Edna Sweetlove

Fri, 2020-01-03 10:21

Edna Sweetlove's picture

Thanks for bothering to comment again where virtually no one else bothers to do so. My observations:-

1. There probably is no real "point" to this, apart from a joke or two.
2. There's no reference to Naziism as far as I can see (or if there is, it is unintended).
3. Obesity is not a disease. It's simply the result of greed and gluttony. If you eat too much, you get fat. If you eat an enormous amount of really disgusting junk food, you get super-fat. Diseases are mostly contagious or infectious - I have not yet heard of anyone catching obesity from being too near a fatso. The only bonus in obesity is that it shortens the lifespan of the stuoid people who eat till their pants burst, thus curtailing the population growth which threatens us all and also making extra space on trains and buses.
4. It is an interesting theory that having "great amusement parks" causes obesity but I doubt if a peer-reviewed paper on that has yet made it to the pages of "The Lancet" or "Nature". Maybe an opportunity for a learned academic from the McDonald's University of Obesity in Oak Brook, Illinois, perhaps the learned Professor Thycke-Waiste, Ph.D.

XXX
Edna.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

Geezer

Fri, 2020-01-03 16:58

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the Aryan gang members who jumped you guys, were most likely Nazis! Cancer is a disease and no one, [that I know of] has ever caught Cancer from being next to someone that has it. Alcoholism is commonly referred to as a disease and yet I've yet to hear that someone has caught it from rubbing up against one, [although it could be argued that long -term association has produced a few]. As to great amusement parks causing obesity, I wouldn't make the leap to such a statement. I merely pointed out that it seems that the countries that have more than enough to eat, seem to have great amusement parks by virtue of their wealth.~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Edna Sweetlove

Fri, 2020-01-03 22:40

Edna Sweetlove's picture

Mon cher Geezer,

Had it occurred to you that my whole thing is a joke? Also just because someone is Aryan it doesn't make them a Nazi. Just as being a New Yorker doesn't make you Jewish. Just as being British doesn't make you a Eurosceptic moron. Just as being Muslim doesn't make you a terrorist. Just as being American doesn't mean you support murdering Iranian generals (that's a 2020 comment!)..

Your point about cancer is valid and I 100% accept that a disease need not be either contagious or infectious and thus my comment was inaccurate, for which I apologise.. However that does not make obesity a disease - if so, it would make shortness/gnomism/midgetosity (or whatever the term is now) a disease. I stand by my statement that obesity is simply the result of over-eating and greed/gluttony. I am willing to accept the concept that the WISH to become hideously fat could be a sign of mental illness (as opposed to stupidity) but a disease it ain't.

I totally refute the concept that "amusement parks" are a result of wealth or even a correlation thereof. Take the richest countries (per capita): Luxembourg for example: no fucking hideous Disney-style parks. Scandinavian nations, ditto. I would suggest that the prevalence of "amusement parks" is the result of mass idiocy engendered by a lack of taste, education and culture. And that is NOT an "anti-American" sentiment since we have some utterly horrid proletarian places in Britain as well. And we probably have the worst gutter press in the entire world.

However, we can beg to differ and I thank you for having the decency to bother making a comment on my little poem - I would suggest that the absence of comments on most items posted here (not only mine!) at NPC reflects a lack of nterest on members' parts in anything except their own writings. As an example, I commented (admittedly negatively, although I thought quite constructively) on one member's poems.only to be told in no uncertain terms to **** off or be "reported". What price a "critique"?
.
Kindest wishes from

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

Eumolpus

Sat, 2020-01-04 10:15

Eumolpus's picture

You get few comments is not due to the puerile content but the lack of poetic craft. Poetry is not stream of consciousness dribble. Your work lacks poetic metaphor, sound, metaphor. Perhaps you might try prose. I rarely express myself so directly but your thread of work has left me no choice. And btw, I am Wagnerian.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Edna Sweetlove

Sat, 2020-01-04 20:49

Edna Sweetlove's picture

I appreciate frankness and your opinion is noted. I assume you will welcome an equally frank assessment of your own work.

I have to say I find your comments unhelpful, condescending, arrogant and quite bloody rude and ignorant, but that's just my personal opinion.
.
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

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