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Visions In The Fire

Submitted by Candlewitch on Mon, 2012-05-14 11:17

Visions In The Fire

I sense a culmination
in close approximation
it brings a shudder
this sensation
of expected expiration
like embers glowing
in the campfire
soon to burn out
like dying note of
polished lyre
I note the winds have changed
carrying smoke
and defoliated leaves
with the changing season
my heart grieves
and yearns for
lost days gone by
the ghosts that fly
in the face of
our awaited tomorrows

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

judyanne

Thu, 2012-05-17 11:08

judyanne's picture
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i so love this

especially
'it brings a shudder
this sensation
of expected expiration'
and
' I note the winds have changed
carrying smoke
and defoliated leaves
with the changing season'

truly truly i have read and re-read and can find nothing i would suggest to alter
loved the theme, the pacing and the interdispersed verse
- if anything i'm not sure of it is the title
you say 'like embers in a fire' - intiminating that there isn't really one..

maybe 'visions of the fire'
anyway - i'll be back to read this lots
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

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