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A Vision Of Eternity

Broken veil, specters unseen
shadows long in the low winter sun
highland home, just for a while
a place of mist and legend

Isolated, yet never truly alone
for even the shadows have intent
our spoken words hushed
lest we disturb the rightful residents
of this creaking cottage
that whispers secrets to me
in the dark

Silver glow through low cloud
indicates a bright moon
logs popping in the fireplace
acceptance of the belief
there is more to heaven
and this land
than meets the eye

A stone taken from
an ancient pictish fort
lies on the table
if it could speak what tales would it tell?

A place where Paganism meets Christianity
in this modern day
these mountains and valleys of my homeland
the very bones of the earth
are in my blood

They have merged with my soul
and through the fusion
I sense and perhaps even glimpse
a vision of eternity

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

but you will grow out of the bullshit spirituality.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

But I feel I'm growing into it. Not out of it. Cheers.

author comment

Sorry about your welcome but we will be OK soon.
As this is your first posting on Neopoet I found it a change a fresh change.
That Jess commented on a vague belief was not a good welcome from us here, where the comments as Beau said are supposed to be about the poetic form and not the content, though sometimes the theme is very important to us as we read.
There are many varied poets here with all beliefs, so a pinch of salt is needed or a flack jacket is what I wear, lol.
Welcome and have a great journey here with us,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Don’t feel shy
simply post and let others read
tell them bluntly
not to bully
and with your lovely poetry
summarily deal

ask them to have guts and say
what is wrong and where
do them dare,
as some take this Neopoets as their inherited wealth

don't shirk
don't fear,
I would have been sliced
long ago my dear
by not all but only one
who hasn't yet still given in

the world's a stage
where we all come, to say a bit
rest all passes away as
some guys bulshit...
you needn't worry
this one stands and holds the hands
who seek

loved

There is beauty and potency in your words. Sometimes it is hard to be objective, having recently had an epiphany that the mere existence of a soul is a cruel, abomination of an idea.

Truth be told I may have written a similar poem not so long ago.

I am sorry I can offer no technical crit, it is elegantly written, suffering only in that it is very difficult indeed to write in the pastoral/spiritual with profound new insight.

Welcome to Neopoet and I look forward to more of your work.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

putting it all forth into a tale a poem is effort
and this is a good effort!
Honing it into something for me from a souvenier
to a working instrument is the craftwork
I have tons of work
like the old arrowhead makers
or carvers or painters

your poetry drew me in
as ancient things inspire me
christianity has beaten some
of us over the head
and left us something beyond
bemused

continue to post work
and I shall continue to read
your vision is indeed
clear...I can almost smell
the peat..the salt
the wind
..

descriptors and emotional
responses
but your form is good
the construct is sound

Ive never seen a sea eagle
and they intrique me

my musing
that your poetry prevoked

Thank You!

I really appreciate the time you all took to comment on my work. I hope to post a few more pieces here. Life can just be hectic at times. Thank you once again. Cheers!

author comment
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