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Viral Implications

surreal impulse to be glad among the liberal culture taunts the mood
we have become cumbersome to this world amidst such madness
a cry was heard out in the corridor alone in the silence my head held low
Sarah was here name waiting by the door with perfume to intice me to come in to dine
so I took my chances in such a fine romancing that the world looked a bit dizzy

she sat alone again with a glass of Moxie with ice
beside her table was a slice of cheese cake creamy with cherry's a top
leaving behind not the slightest hint of apathy
her lips tasted with fresh lip gloss of cherry so very
lovely to here her soft tender lips whisper sweet viral implications

there was a brief pause in the room and then she disappeared within
like a bruised reed I was left desolate in the very fabric of my being
was this a dream or that of a reality ?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I like this poem, in fact I only comment on poems that impress.
First; surreal impulse, some critics hate seeing surreal used at all but I have no hesitation in using it myself.
Second; how about my head bent low, dropped low, or something similar. It's a personal thing but I always think of a head held high, or up, or similar.
Third; typo Sarah was here name, her?
Fourth, I would drop "a bit" possibly even change "looked" to was, providing a little assonance.
First line of second verse has two withs, maybe simply change the second to and?
Next line needs a comma after cake.
Last line of second verse, wrong spelling of hear.
Comma after reed.
was this a dream or harsh reality?

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
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