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VIGNETTES edit

Submitted by Geremia on Tue, 2015-09-22 14:55

VIGNETTES

The last years I spent with you
seem a thousand light years away.
I see you still in small vignettes
that strike with a sudden melancholy:
a desperate, deep longing to replay
those days that Time has betrayed.
I don't see myself as I did before;
something of me went with you
and to this world lost I came.

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

raj

Tue, 2015-09-22 15:06

This strikes me as a heartspoken poem written in honest tense

raj (sublime_ocean)

Geremia

Tue, 2015-09-22 15:16

Geremia's picture

Yes, Raj. You are very perceptive. It is a memory of my mom.

joe

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Sparrow

Tue, 2015-09-22 19:16

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A lovely piece to write, the little Lady smiles and sits to wait for her children, one day as time becomes nothing and the now takes it away, someone will whisper these words to you..
Not sure if the last word could be Came or as it is,
what do you think on this Joe??
Take care and know we are thinking of you,
Yours, Ian..

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Unconditional love to you all.
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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Geremia

Tue, 2015-09-22 20:49

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Thanks, Ian. I will make that change.

joe

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Geezer

Tue, 2015-09-22 19:38

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been proud to have written something this great for my mom! ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Geremia

Tue, 2015-09-22 20:56

Geremia's picture

Thank you, Geez. I kept her at home with me so she would pass in her own bed I remember I was crying and holding her hand when, suddenly, she grabbed my hand and kissed it. I think that was her way to tell me she was ready.

The IRONY is that I inherited her disease.

joe

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