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The view from there.

Submitted by vandiemenspeak on Wed, 2016-08-10 09:48

To wake and see a gentle frieze of green
white specks of drifting cockatoos, in between
slow gums, mulling over the morning cold
long before the stirring shadows hold
releases these night bound dwelling sleepers
lost in cloisters old, and drifting deeper
lost in sanctuaries serene, that once all children knew
now in a vague shadow of reverie, half true

then, a scarce fleeting memory,
something once touched,
augured a hidden sense
innate in all, a certain innocence:

the ease of morning chorus once given,
with no tendered time, to all
attached to living reason,
not to urgent rhyme, no call
to arms alarm, and fall to waking being
contrived to act for the illusion of control

no harbinger, no fear, no dark prelude,
no sense of what could be, no interlude,
before the shadow of age falls;
just hope of youth, and youthful eyes at sun
and eternity from there to here, would forever run,
perched, as ever twice daily, on horizons renew
and being at this end of forever,
never tiring of the view.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Loose structure, based on the notion of nostalgia and unreliabe memory.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Esker

Wed, 2016-08-10 13:12

Esker's picture

I always read your works....too me they are like origami
but not like in a cute minute way
but the angles..maybe reverse orgami
but the same concise put togetherness
from a big picture

I like the careful construction of your work
I greatly love this poem

the word "augered"
is correct.....I looked all this up
but I wanted in my head
to have a shortened word
Me and my streamlining
anyway I put in auge
I have a sense of words
but no meaning if I havent
used them forever
which in both cases would
be true and I never heard
of augered
...
"I say chappy! splendid day."
"Oh crikey mate..me donts know
got a touch of the old auge"

or

"Crikey me pea soup is truly augered with
its tepid hue"

I dont know..half alseep here..only
one coffee...some vivid hipster music
cranking round..some morning jobs
here for my woman...

okay dont mind me
but oh yah
the fever of the landscape
or the chill
sometimes I inhale
taking it all in
some people sit
when they see great
things cross legged
others write
some smoke
some see it but its
not their agenda
others text
still others chase
pokeman

your writing is bright
very stable

thank U!

vandiemenspeak

Thu, 2016-08-11 08:45

vandiemenspeak's picture
Volunteer badge

Nah, I've just overdosed on Elliot and the Four Quartets, and been lost in the ever increasing circles of allusion that take me from book, to link to book store to Wikipage... as he said of Pound, sometimes you are the greater craftsman - when it comes to riffing on spontanious beautiful posied moments, you're right there my friend. Tis true, I like to assemble these things carefully, and am very cagey before submitting them, also sometimes (being an Elliot fan) I tend to lean toward dark ended humor and esoteric referneces, that my kids call "doom and glooom" the grumpy old man - sitting on a green carbunkle - at the bottom of the world...ping! Been a long day, and I have had too many coffees..
Speaking of dialogue, there is a rich trove of it down here, I keep my ear to the ground, Hobartians are a strange Victorian breed, lost in some coloninial Island locked time reverie...the other day I heard something that could have come straight out of Dickens at a bus mall:

" 'eee's a baddun that one, spread it araaaouond cobber" - cobber being a coloquial term of endearment, just like C*nt is! make's me laugh how casually the C bomb is slipped into common parlance, like listening to really rough London Eastenders from the council blocks, who have a strange Faux American, very London, Jamaican thing goin on - ya feel me, aieee?

Hilarious things humans..

Take care,

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

author comment

Vivovon

Fri, 2016-08-12 14:53

I like the poem. Long and tall shadows fall both in the mornings and evenings. I never forget that I walked across a wide wild field on my way to school in my childhood. In the mist, in the fog, in the rain, and in the sun. My accompany was my dog. It was long, long ago. Sweet memories always make me afresh. Your wordings are good. I enjoy reading it.

xxxxx

vandiemenspeak

Tue, 2016-08-16 07:29

vandiemenspeak's picture
Volunteer badge

Cool picture by the way, looks like an observatory? Glad you enjoyed, anything that stirs a memory or makes a connection with at least one person, makes it all worthwhile.

Thank you.
Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

author comment
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