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Vibes Scribed [Epistle]
It was nice to meet you in the park
sitting on the bench, shaking hands
I feared if my palm felt like a bark
yours felt soft like wet grass lands
your eyes spoke a language of the birds
in a tone gentler than the spoken words
though to you I was yet a stranger
to me they were a game changer
suddenly the bench was too big for two
so we made our way under a mango tree
sitting shoulder to shoulder knee to knee
letting fruits in our hearts ripen and brew
a look in your watch, said it's time to move
we exchanged our cards with shrugs and smiles
our names were rhyming as if in a groove
on that fateful day we'd shortened the miles
I write this letter in the same shirt I wore
just a week ago but feels so much more
for a date to meet under that mango tree
to kiss your hand propped up on a knee
I'll check my mailbox time and time again
to see if we're now more than just a friend
if it's yes, then please let me know when
to bring these feelings to a meaningful end
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
I have often looked at Contest for the themes they present and use them both to stimulate my creativity as well as for skill building...
I have made an attempt as this "Epistle" [like a Letter] form proposed in the June contest and moved out of my comfort zone by using rhyme
Editing stage:
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Comments
lovedly
Sun, 2018-06-03 18:08
this is the quickiest one of an Epistle
I felt i had read it earlier already
perhaps i must be day dreaming
under a mango tree
but you forgot to mark it as Contest
how will stan
send you coupans
well its too stuffy here
let's move on my poet dear
do not fear
i will not kiss thy
knee
lovely lettery
epistle poetry isn't it ?
if you agree '
I will remove it
and post it as a letter
to thee
from off my knee
do you agree?
raj
Mon, 2018-06-04 04:57
Thanks Lovedly
for the read and pointing out that I have not marked it to the contest ...i can only say that it was not an omission and that I do not intend to..I do not even know if this qualifies as an Epistle
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentlovedly
Mon, 2018-06-04 12:11
on a reread I think it is a refreshing
Epistle
you have written a letter
of what went off together
and
would love to move on further
ASK Stan
he will say how he'd wished
he had composed it
hopefully
Susan not ....overlooking it
raj
Mon, 2018-06-04 14:13
Thanks Lovedly for the re
Thanks Lovedly for the re read and comment. As for Stan....like others if he wants to read and comment he will do it...
............................................................................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentlovedly
Mon, 2018-06-04 15:50
that's the right spirit
but the no one will read me
never mind
some day we all have
to leave
in my case
the horizon is now
not much distant
raj
Mon, 2018-06-04 15:52
wishing you a healthy blessed
wishing you a healthy blessed life Lovedly
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentlovedly
Mon, 2018-06-04 16:05
stay blessed
raj u r awake
read the one just posted
will 4 ur comments wait
Jackweb
Sun, 2018-06-03 20:20
The Rhyming Scheme...
Mostly adds flavor to a poem. The pattern of rhyming comes from the choice of every poet. Any where rhymes seem to be, they stand as designs to the body of the poem. At times the make a rhythmical sounds any where they fall out!
What a lovely verse. Mr Raj, never disappoint at all. You maintained quatrain all through with alternate rhyme scheme. The woman behind the scene i look forward to gaze my eyes perhaps, if i could get inspiration to write for someone.
Well done work!
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
raj
Mon, 2018-06-04 05:02
Thanks Jack
for taking time to read and your comments. I do agree that rhyme adds rhythm to a poem...however english not being my mother tongue I lack the necessary vocabulary to come up with a suitable rhyme ...i know there are resources available online such as RhymeZone but frequently referring to those affect the flow of my thought process...
good to know you liked it...will look forward to your posting an Epistle..
............................................................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentgregwa8
Sun, 2018-06-03 21:46
beautiful poem. I like the
beautiful poem. I like the alternating rhyme scheme. "your eyes spoke the language of the birds." awesome!
raj
Mon, 2018-06-04 05:08
Thanks Greg
for the read and your comment...you may have noticed n the poem that during the meeting in the park there was no exchange of words between the two which gets mentioned in the letter form form of poetry [Epistle] unknown to me till now....so for me it's kinda debut poem in Epistle...
Good to know you liked it...shall look forward to your giving a go at Epistle form...
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentIRiz
Wed, 2018-06-06 22:57
Interesting poem, it reads
Interesting poem, it reads well and surprises by unexpected metaphor, such as
letting fruits in our hearts ripen and brew.
And it makes me wonder what happened next.
IRiz
raj
Thu, 2018-06-07 13:52
Hi friend IRiz
Thanks for the read....good to know you found this interesting and also to know that it made you wonder about what happened next which means that the letter / Epistle also stimulated curiosity ...i liked the tongue in cheek query "what happened next" to which I would say not received any reply and keeping my fingers crossed...lol...
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentIRiz
Thu, 2018-06-07 16:00
No tongue in the cheek
No tongue in the cheek
IRiz
raj
Thu, 2018-06-07 16:05
I had mentioned it because
I had mentioned it because your comment to me expressed curiosity. No offense intended..
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentIRiz
Thu, 2018-06-07 17:54
I know, none taken.
I know, none taken.
IRiz
Rula
Thu, 2018-06-21 08:19
Absolutely
beautiful. I really feel envious as I always wished to write such a piece.
I wonder why don't you enter the contest. I know you're never after the first place's prize, are you?
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raj
Thu, 2018-06-21 13:45
Thanks Rula for taking time
Thanks Rula for taking time to read...good to know you liked it....
warmly..
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author comment