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Velvet Sky

Frantic movements rose in anguish as
pulsations bled in obscure force.
The constancy of the death tone
rang like a tempest swell,
in the heart of a rancid doom.

Whispers, hidden within the
cries of despair, prayed to a
concrete deity mounted on the wall.

'Oh Father, hear our prayers!'

She screamed in defiance;
her voice, transparent in
the midst of living testaments.

'I am here! I am here!'

She laid in perfect stillness.
Her expression, embroidered
like a graying sorrow,
sighed heavily upon a once
stout face of rosy flesh.

'But I'm here...I'm here,' she whimpered,
as her body was covered
under a starched white sheet.

'Ye, though I walk through the
valley of the shadow of death...'
were the last words she heard,
as her world bled into the oblivion.

And the velvet sky turned to stone.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Love and Light...Namaste
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


Welcome to Neo. I am glad to see you posting already!
I like the story and your work is good. One thing I'm not sure of, is the use of the word deity. I'm thinking that maybe she was almost worshipped in her family or circle? A little explanation would be helpful. ~ Geezer.

Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

Deity was in reference to a mounted Jesus on the wall. I wrote this shortly after my mom passed away. They had a Jesus on the wall in the hospital room.

Love and light. Namaste.

author comment

I thought that might be it! I like your rewrite; it makes things much clearer. Nicely done! ~Geezer.

Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

Welcome to neopoet! Lovely first poem here!

"To fly is to fall."

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