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Veiled Vengeance (eddy styx...prosey poem)

Veiled Vengeance

wounded by her disdain
my would be murderess
thinks herself liberated
she moves about unfettered
but for the ghost of me
as there is a cloud passing
over her head in daylight hours
she shivers still, passing through
the lands of my dominion
for here, even the wind knows my name
She cannot shake the feeling
of being pursued by some evil
after darkness of night falls
she sees my shadow on every wall
she seems to hear an echo
on her every footfall
her each and every step
dogged by my specter
with nowhere else to go
she heads for shelter home and bed
her only respite left
alone and anxious
with every nerve on edge
as should be for her fate follows
with shiny blade in gloved hand
to watch her last dance
in terror and agony
at the hands of he who was betrayed

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

so happy to see you again eddy
great write - i love it
nothing to crit as usual

fave lines (as i know you like to know - and as i can't re-write the lot lol)
'she sees my shadow on every wall
she seems to hear an echo
on her every footfall'

love judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I know I can count on you for suggestions if they are needed, and it is appreciated. I'm so glad to have entertained you :)

always, eddy

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author comment

What would I ever do without you!

always, eddy (& cat)

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
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