Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Veiled Damsel

Each flower blooms
with charm and grace.
The one hid by leaves
isn't shy.
It craves to be seen
and inhaled,
like a veiled damsel.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 

Comments

May I just suggest, it is a personal quirk of mine that we should strive to avoid the word beauty in poetry. Perhaps elegance, delicacy even robust grace.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

Thank you for reading and your suggestion. I will try to change the word without affecting the intent..

I have now gone with your suggestion by changing it to elegance...may even opt for charm..juggling words right now..

Thanks again...
.......................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

well done

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

Thanks Jess for your nod of approval for the change
......................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

just fine in changing the words, although I didn't see the first set. I am going to assume that the words that you replaced with "charm and grace" had the "beauty". I like it just fine the way it is right now. It gives me the sense of a young girl that is hidden behind a veil; because of her faith and religion. A girl that longs to have her face seen and appreciated. ~ Geezer.
.

The addition of a premium-membership can:
Help you navigate the site easier, change and create the look of your profile-page!
Just see what you can do! Add a bit of flavor to your profile and kick it up a notch!

for taking time to read and comment....good to know you liked it...

initial words were beauty and grace, which I changed to elegance and grace and then charm and grace...
................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

you have a veiled( beauty)
charm of your own poetry
surface unlike me
let the world see ye
o veiled (beauty) charm and spasm
combined
one can imagine
let one's mind
orgasm

Thanks for reading Lovedly
.........................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.