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Vacantality

Hollow are my vacant, sullen eyes
the dreams I once possessed faded away,
my mind has lost it's train of thought completely
while the ache within my heart grows everyday.

How sad it is that friendship's lost it's luster
and stark reality can slap you in your face,
I try to bend but find my body breaking
hindering my efforts to keep pace.

I falter from my footing and my balance
my buddy "pain" has taken quite a toll,
age has help define my limitations
and that sour taste is etched upon my soul.

I'll forever cherish each and every moment
and the ones I took for granted I will repent,
hopefully my life can make a difference
so for naught, may my moments all be spent.

My view is different from my "vista splendor"
I've finally paused and took a good, hard look,
I realize by "grace" I've gained this knowledge
because these lessons Fate has hurled, finally took !

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Just a bad day, I guess. doc.
Editing stage: 

Comments

That was a great read my friend, the passage of time surely takes its toll on the spirit. Perhaps the reason I could relate to this is because I felt our situation is quite similar. Be strong.

Jahloo

JahLo
"A light complexion, graceful carriage, and a bewitching smile- those constitute a woman's true worth"

...I guess the topic was kind of morose, but I had a birthday of 59 years Sunday.......sorry 'bout the severity of the poem's shadow, but that was how I felt, then,
Thanx again,
later;
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

was a time when porchs and verandahs were the rage
and my grandfather had one
people in their rockers and I thought
it odd then

not now

almost fifty and with an aching forever pain
from poor work practise and one broken clavicle
and repaired ac joint on same shoulder
it drives a kind of despair upon the morning
until I get up and moving

Now I wish I had a rocking chair and a verandah
to soak in the days heat
to stare off into the future or think about
the past the nip of whiskey or the cache
of the modern alm the pharma realms

I cannot imagine those with much worse
times Ive had it well
and yet how it dwells this

Great Poem deeply giving insight to this
of being human and feeling it

thank you

...like I said, that was how I felt when I wrote it. I know just what you mean. Remember the "divan"?
later,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

Hey come on you are not broken, that you can still perceive the things around you, and have all that life streaming out knowledge from having been living for your years.
I know that life sometimes seems hard and the aches increase, Keep taking the tablets but keep your mind clear LOL it could be me if I let it in.
You take care and your Medicine lol, if you ask me nicely I will tell you how I feel, and that is plus another 10 years..
Loved the write as usual, it is excellent, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

this poem doesn't qualify as dark. It's also one of your best. There are a couple of lines that run slightly overlong, but they interfere so little with the poem I won't even point them out. It is superb. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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...I think you SHOULD have. I had a bit of a "time" with this one. Soo glad this caught your eye....and didn't make you cry.
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment
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