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Us Whores....

Us Whores…

Leaders stand and preach lies,
as kids cough their way to school.
Above we see darkened sky’s,
why let them corrupt and rule.

Rubbish underfoot polluted air,
rivers run with human waste.
Pollutants in lungs, sticky hair,
if you don’t believe, just taste.

Whales, we all like to call majestic,
seeing them in picture or real life
We poison them with our plastic,
a far cleaner death with a knife.

Now count your footprints score,
consuming good air like a Gannet.
Acting like a capitalist’s whore,
pollution a new pox on our planet.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Not necessarily a suggestion but I might have said for the last line-
people, a pox on our planet.

But that is too simplistic and condemnational. Some of us do our best. If I have a real crit it is in not naming the real criminals in such a content driven poem.

To me it is simple arithmetic-
Capitalism depends on profit and continual growth.
This is a finite planet.
One of them must die.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

Thank you Jess. I first thought of humans as the pox, but I decided against this for the same reasons you stated. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

that Us might in fact be US

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

the [I wouldn't say subtle] jab at the U.S. and would not give any excuse to the thought that it meant exactly what it was intended. Nice work Roscoe!
~ Gee.
.

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You need a question mark at end of line 4. Line 1 of 2nd stanza try "Rubbish piled beneath polluted air".Stanza 3 line 3 you might change poison to choke...might be more accurate. Footprints' instead od footprints.Last line you might try changing a to the.......A timely poem for a problem which is growing especially in Asia......stan

Thank you Stan, this time I believe the message is more important than the poems structure. If only we could convince our leaders. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

The meek shall inherit the Earth
meek is not afraid ones
but poor and weak
such intelligent poetry

Thank you, and I hope someday the meek does inherit the earth, just wish I could be around to see it. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment
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