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UPDATE “You can never step into the same river once” (Primal Poetry)

Hot steam rising gray
shower droplets
thousands
each one
rainbow bright
colors red green blue more
each beating drum down
upon me blend
comforting hot water clean
colors clean closed eyes
see higher more
I flow up
each droplet
down over me
through me
I am here embracing

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Workshop: 

Comments

Our experience is very similar, your poem is better though

The living spiral is, for me, a hard thing to write. Once a thing is named it is forever changed, until it is not. ;)

Marthalyn

author comment

Real nice.
I polished off mine but it was not until later that I understood what I really needed to do was go deeper and it is a dreamworld I needed. Once there I saw an astounding difference.
I'm wishing for more imagery as we do dream in pictures, yes?
You stick to it in a wonderful way.
Later,

~Mark~

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...even if it is not matter.

Thank you, Mark

Marthalyn

author comment

you wrote a poem, you didn't share your experience. This process is much more difficult for some than others and that difficulty is based on control issues and pre-existing beliefs. Stan is having similar difficulties.

You know meditation so...

listen to the drums, relax, clear your mind, shut your eyes, watch the colours and shapes that appear on your eyelids, allow them to develop as they will then just tell us what you experienced.

How do you feel about that?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

my "poem" is my vision and my experience. I followed the journey through time and saw it and felt it spiraling in a continuum as the drums beat on, and on, and on. It has no beginning and it has no end. It follows the beat of the drum. My vision is not the same as yours.

Respectfully,

Marthalyn

author comment

On re-reading, yes, I get where your coming from, my apologies, your vision is, as you say, very different from mine, and very different from anything I've ever seen or heard from anyone emerging from shamanic trance. I applaud your uniqueness. And it is a very fine, subtle and meaningful piece

I don't doubt for a second the integrity of your work here and yet it still feels to me written rather than seen. May I humbly suggest that the shamanic experience deepens with practice and that after a few more attempts you may find a different, not higher or lower, better or worse, but uniquely different kind of experience coming from a different place. I really look forward to that.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

I can relate to that and I like how you share it very much.
Would it be the colors of the rainbow or twinkling stars? Either way it's a very cool and obviously accurate account.
Impressive and I like the title as well, best to go back for more, yes?
Peace,
.

~Mark~

Free membership is a great deal but if you wish for the best deal look here:
https://www.neopoet.com/premium

You have pushed that pesky mentation aside and just let the movie roll.

Time for Stage 2.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

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