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At the end of the line, I
don't want a big moment,
or a huge to do.
I'd like
to maybe just sigh.
Maybe just sigh.

I don't know, indeed,
what this whole affair
must have been like for you;
as for me it feels
like I've been pressed
under the heaviest rock.

No, I don't expect you to get it,
and I don't expect
you to understand.
Not for a lack
of ability or insight,
but because you can't walk
the steps I have to take.

I can't cry for you.
I want to.
I want to weep and wail and call your name.
But if I mourn
I'll be taken out back,
and shot again,
like the dog the world calls me.

So yes, I fume.
I hold back these worthless tears
that don't mean a thing to you,
and are considered an act of war
to everyone else I love.
I hold them back
and I choke on them,
at least I wish I'd choke.

Sex bores me,
it whores me,
and I bet you think
I wanted any of this.
As if my grand scheme
was to fuck everybody up,
and leave myself and you
just a quivering mess.

I've no idea about tomorrow.
You told me your disappointment
in that you never saw me get upset,
nor angry,
nor hurt.
Well, today I can tell you
my heart breaks, hard.
And who else do I get to say that to?
Because once again
it's more of the same,
and if I cry
I'm declaring
yet another unwinable war.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


I understood this one...
as a poem it rolls well
easy to read
and defines to the reader
and narrator the story
or scene

as I struggle in my works
to get an emotive voice
that is still catching to
and relatable to the

something between
a yell and a mumble
where I am caught
often in communication

relationships are
great writing fodder
I like this poem
its deep and intense
and it surfaces
and its soft

like standing about
smoking a cigarette
(My metaphor and
what I do with chums
of late)
describing the pain
the emotion of this

As a poem the insight
into emotion as a signal
which it truly is is
an admirable glean

and charity of heart
the shielded
wounded haunted
and callous heart

Your poem is relatable
to me today....Its spring
and I have my long
history with many muses

I should be more
flexible and show
feel and give
then gaurd

Thank You!

Sometimes the only form of release is to
write it down, thanks for sharing that moment
with us. Passion released and offered humbly.

I agree with the thoughts of Moonman in totality....i could sense the intensity and remorse while reading through this...


raj (sublime_ocean)

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