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Only on Loan ( titles WS)

My fingertips explore soft, silky strands
that loop in auburn curls, all tinged with gold,
and tangle, oh so gently, in my hands,
as if they never want let go their hold.

I stare in pure, adoring, dumb devotion,
believing, truly, heaven here has come,
while sinking into double depths of ocean
that seem to say, 'I'll never leave you Mum.'

Those locks will lose their velvet quality,
those dark blue eyes will turn a graver grey,
as Old Time flits his digits over me
and bring us to the day you'll go away.

Until then, while you're tiny, I will scheme;
make wishes on which we can build a dream.
.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

this poem is clearly about a mother's feelings towards her baby. How about "Mummy's Little One"?

Alid

yes, a bit dark, but I like it for that touch.
"Angels Never Grow Old" is the first to come to my mind as soon as I finished reading.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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a nice "silky dream" spun skillfully ...liked the opening line establish the bond between mother and child

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

first stanza last line insert to I think?
Pools of blue and Auburn curls

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

"No Other Love" would seem to fit the bill, for a child or someone that means so much, I am so late I have to make this short..
Take care,
Yours, Ian xx

.
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Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

''Cradling Love".

Alid

You just can't help assaulting me with sonnets can you? lol.I'm pretty sure I know what this is based on and that might give me an unfair advantage but here goes anyway.....how about " Unrealized"

double post

those working in a hospital , recommend that this be read to every newborn, i work in a hospital , this poem is so benign and tenderly

This is a difficult one. I like your suggestions, but they still miss the mark for me.... I really am stuck here - can't think of a title that really suits... so still looking ( hint, hint ) lol

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I finally thought of a title ... what do you think?
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

it's great. We never know When a loan might be called in.......stan

It took a lot of thought, this one, but I am happy with the result...
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
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