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UNTITLED

Don't tell him to be calm now
not this particular hour of the night
when his brain above are snoring,
and the one between the legs awake
well stretched and hungry
seeking a miracle to perform.

every corner, he seem to be
restless fingers battle, babe you should know
up and down and down mostly
moonlight stories are in vain.
your monthly rivers I 've known
and a drop of your antidote i seek.

hidden between this two gates
heaven can be promised
to get the key to the promise land.

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Comments

I've known that battle a few times in my years. A little bit ragged, but very promising. One of your lines mixes tenses.
Like: [is] instead of [are] in the third line.

For a title: Try, "Enter The Promised Land"
~ Geezer.
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..with Geezer that this shows promise. But there are quite a few additional grammatical errors which spoil the flow of the piece. I suggest you read it through very carefully or ask a friend for help.

Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

It's a perfect experience as an adult not only in man but also woman,
"I have been his brain above are snoring" instead of (is) just try and edit it. Nice work.

and
the one between the legs awake
well stretched and hungry
seeking a miracle to happen (perhaps)(would be better........

perform.

I think a good title would clear up a lot of the ambiguities in this. But I enjoyed reading it even with the typos and such which you can easily cure

I think you may actually be the best poet here!

Obi.

...not go overboard!

Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

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