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Untitled

I can't bleach my soul.
No, I can't hide these stains.
My thoughts are so dark.
Look into the mirror I see a shark.
The biggest bully to leave a mark.
I can't burn away the pain.
No, not a big pretender.
I see thing as they are not as you want.
Sometimes I can't fight the realness.
It's a fucking illness.
Heart stuck in toxic stillness.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I don't write poetry as often as I use to. I'm about to be 25. I spend the majority of my time taking care of my grandma with dementia. When I do write I like fan fiction so I don't post it on here. I wrote this a week ago. Worked on it some and now I'm sharing with you guys. I haven't posted in about a year now. This poem is about me and my life right now.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Great opening line, I don't even
believe in a soul but most do and
what a grabber line !!!
After your first stanza you seem to
drift from the theme or change ...
I'd suggest working on bringing it
together, deciding if you are going
to rhyme or not and work on the
cadence, then a title may come to
ya.

thanks for sharing

Thank you I do want it to flow. And I do hope a title comes to me.

The Unknown Poet

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author comment

I

I agree with Richard on his one. I never title a poem until it is written then find it in the body but please never leave a poem untitled it is like having achild and not naming it lo

I do plan to title it. I am trying to make it flow better. I feel like the rhymes are good but they don't flow.

The Unknown Poet

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author comment

would you have a child and not name it Please titles are easy to find look in the body of your work ask yourself what was gooing through my mind at the time but please you have created something wonderful here give it a name

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