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Untitled

Submitted by Desell on Thu, 2013-11-14 00:28

Life of sorrow
Life of everyone’s hate
Slapped away the helping hand

Everybody wishes to be my exterminator
There is no savior
I am my own exterminator

The dying tied up plant cannot grow
Burn the strings
I am now the ashes

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Short poem
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

Ian.T

Thu, 2013-11-14 03:50

Ian.T's picture
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Your poem in Jan had many comments on that were not acknowledged by yourself, though I think that Jess gave it a good critique.
This site is where we help and participate in all forms of writing poetry be it Theme or Form, but mostly Form.
A title is usually one of the important things to do it must not tell the whole story but be used as a pointer as to what the theme is.
As to form here there are quite a few who commented on the Jan piece that are an asset to learning.
I suggest that you reply to the Jan poems comments to bring them on track to your work then wait for comments on this one.
You have ticked the sensitive part of the comments boxes, what this will do is narrow down the number of comments you will have, not necessarily the quality.
Have a little think about things and if you need help in things then just ask there are people here 24/7.
Your title in this case could be "despair " but we have to tread carefully as you have asked us to,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Geezer

Sat, 2013-11-16 19:28

Geezer's picture
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not only on the title, but the content. I see much promise here, but please don't take offense at criticism that is given. It is all meant to encourage you and help you express yourself so that you are better understood as a poet. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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