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untitled

I'm walking out the door,
to head south bound
down the interstate
Into an old home
where it all gravitates
It's just an old cave
With all the writings on the walls:
a past, their present, had no future
It's my Yuman paradise
But what the fuck is all of this?
Some folded cloth?
A broken vase?
A clay covered casket couldn't say more
My legs crooked like a heart
that could belong to anyone
The chief is lying on the floor,
his blood is in on trade,
so you could buy a house or more
And now I'm walking out the door

I'm shouting out real loud
in a darkened room
We'll meet at the morgue,
when my skin turns blue,
but I won't see you soon;
except when I'm told not to
I keep telling myself I don't want to
I don't want anything;
except when you tell me,
"You're just a fucking a joke,
don't think so highly of yourself.
A tool, a pawn, a piss-poor pile,
pilfering,
but even what you take
won't belong to you"
I know it isn't right,
the chief told me too
You're both in the waiting room
It's the function of your womb
It's a nine circle tomb
It's the reason why I'm leaving you,
just like you left me too

Standing on a corner,
looking for his father
I'm not around
Soon he'll fall in the same trap

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
[This option has been removed]
Last few words: 
I'm sorry that a lot of this doesn't make much sense right now...It's work in progress

Comments

Content and organization I'm not worried about getting help with, open to suggestions though.
I'm mostly looking for any ideas on improving clarity.

author comment

What all gravitates into the old home?

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

You have this pegged, which is good, I felt like the entire point was missed with this. I'm glad it came across a little bit at least, I was about ready to just scrap this.
I'm working on bringing all these ideas together and to make it all more clear.
Thanks for all of your thoughts on this, hopefully I'll be able to make this more understandable...

author comment
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