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UNSURE

The poignant discussion went on for hours, days
sometimes in loud silence inbetween the points made
in the points taken.

There seemed to be no end to the waffling
the expectations, well, were expected
to get used to unexpected changes.

Importance defined interests
while no insults were hurled
there was no agreement either.

Cancer chemotherapy weakness
chemo-brain tears preparing
doing as if there were few more tomorrows.

She said, just popped it out,
“I’ll be gone by April”
making him blink.

He’d asked her several times
before
if she’d had some sort of premonition

asked her to tell him
if she ever did
have a vision of that sort.

Having slept many times on the conversation
researched the writings on this sort of thing
still, no resolution

he was not ready for this sort of place,
he did not want to have this kind of space
yet it was not about him, really, at all.

Not wanting this to be like
a bag of groceries falling to the sidewalk
splitting open, contents tumbling in disarray

she seemed to accept her transition, all therein.
He had no desire for it, would have stepped around it
like avoiding a quicksand bog

inside, he thanked her
for her doing life with him
iron underwear needed to speak those words

wishing that it was he, that could, but go in her place.
Thinking of the hope of the dawn
he looked to see the light breaking thru.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

S4, L1&2 should read with use of white space in between words

Cancer -5empty spaces- chemotherapy -five empty spaces- weakness
chemo-brain -5 empty spaces- tears -five empty spaces- preparing

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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author comment

I see so much exceptance within this write, I like the conversation between two people who have spent their lives together. It's a reality to all of us I just wanted to show you the 2nd last stanza
inside, he thanked her
for her doing life with him
iron underwear needed to speak those words

Doing life? Maybe the word could be choosing?
Now this scenario happened not to long ago for a very dear friend of mine who lost his wife she was only 34 but she spoke about things like when he found a new wife and so on, it really hurt him and when we speak about it I always tell him that (she needed to say those things for herself) they also shared a baby of 1 years who is now 6. He never understood the conversation before we spoke about it, but actually I understand she had to say her peice so she could leave in peace.
You have brought up some memories to.me with this write. X
A truly beautiful.ending.

Thank you...Teddy

Thank you for your suggestion of the word. Many times I do write a word that isn't... exactly the way it remains.

What do you think about the punctuation on the fist line of the last stanza? I have changed that line a few times, and am happy with the words, just not the commas.

Your friend that lost his wife has my sympathies.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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author comment

I've re read those lines and for me they are brilliant, because they speak to the reader, no doubt you will get more reviews so hold on, I'll be back to see. It's a special piece of writing powerful and poignant.

Thank you...Teddy

the line: "doing life with him." A little bit of acknowledging that life with him, wasn't always a bowl of cherries and there had been difficult times. A good natured joke/servility. Kind of like using the term: "my old lady". Many people think that it is a derogatory thing, but in reality, it is a thing of endearment. ~ Geez.
.

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I also got it but as I'm a women felt it may be more dignified with a different word however I'm here to tell you both that I do have a Sence of humour, as you well know. Ps I'm married and it does seem a life sentence most days especially at the moment. We can laugh together in any case.

Thank you...Teddy

i appreciate your taking the time to read and comment

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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author comment
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