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Unmarked

Here lies someone
Absent be thy name
and November comes
their job is done
and indeed they are in heaven.

Who are you?
I wish to thank you for all you have done
for the place you have left for me
By leaving yourself

What is your name?
Are you the weeds that live
Where you once lay?
The courage in the dandelion
or the strength in the grass ?

I’m sure you get visitors.
The birds all sing their thanks
And the mice play where you once fought
over trenches, rabbits dance.
And crickets chirp where the bugle blew
all of it of course, for you.

How old were you?
When you joined the fight?
When your friends first fell?
When you did too?
Did any family come looking for you?

I dare not move the weeds
For they are a part of you
I did leave a seed among them
For hopes it will join them too.

Poppies grew
stained with blood
reflected in its hue
and eternal sleep in meaning.
Rest in peace.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Not my best :/
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Comments

for the rest..

bravo!

thank U!

Mr Wolf!

A great write and one to prove that our young people still remember those that fell for us even if where they fell is now covered in weeds.
Your words and way of writing is way beyond your years.
Though you will still need to read and cover all aspects of poetry, this is where Neopoet will be a great place to learn.
Take care and know this is a very good write,
Yours as always, Bampy.xx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Thank you x I'm always trying to improve my writing and it will be a great place to learn!
Love you!

Not all those who wander are lost - JR Tolkien

- Tyjana :)

author comment

sensitive and courageous.

I love the 'Lord's Prayer' opening that effectively counterpoints the nice way you said 'worm food', that was the brave part.

It tackles the existential anonymity and ignominy of death in war.

A lesser poet would have written a strident, overwrought piece condemning the use of our soldiers as nameless cannon fodder. You have probably succeeded in evoking more genuine feeling and empathy, causing more mindfulness and possible action.

Well done.

I recorded in SoundCloud this time as I feel it is worth archiving. May I post it to our Facebook Neopoet.com page?
https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/unmarked-by-tyjana

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

Thanks for your lovely comment! I love the way you interpreted the poem and i'm glad you liked it :)
Of course you can post it to the page.

Although for future reference my names pronounced "tea-arn-nah" ;) though I've heard it said in so many different ways I not too bothered at this point XD

Not all those who wander are lost - JR Tolkien

- Tyjana :)

author comment
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