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Unloved

Unloved

When 2019 began, everything was great.

It started off with happiness.

Which was a first for me.

Since I was thirteen, life was hard.

Had no friends, and even had a family who

never once cared about me.

I was even bullied every day

For the way, I spoke and looked.

Life began to become unbearable.

So, I tried everything in my power

To make things better.

It started off sneaking online

To find people who actually liked me.

I met plenty of people.

Some nice and most horrible.

Things took a turn and that's

When the pain began.

I became so involved on the internet

Taking in every negative word that

These teens and adults threw at me.

It was dragging me into a dark place

That I never knew existed

I began doing things to myself

That caused my mental pain to

increase.

But the physical pain

Distracted me for awhile

Before it became an addiction.

Self-harm was the only thing

That I turned to and trusted.

Because I was alone and unloved.

With no one there for me.

I kept this a secret for so long.

Thinking things would get better.

But everything went for the worse.

The bullying became more frequent.

My family was turning against me.

And all I wanted was to be happy.

I decided to try and take my life.

My thoughts were only about happiness.

Just wanting to get rid of this pain,

Loneliness and emptiness that I was feeling.

I wasn't successful and I was taken away

To a place where my depression only got worse.

Medicine was taken every day to take away this feeling

And I had to talk to someone about everything that happened.

Even though I wasn't being truthful about what's going on.

Throughout my childhood and teenage years.

Things only got much more difficult.

lost plenty of friends.

Never had a real relationship

Because I was used and cheated on.

Self-harmed even more

And tried to take my life a few more times.

Now I'm nineteen years old

Hadn't been in a hospital or

Self-harmed in a year.

I feel proud of that

But the pain is coming back

This time it's intense.

I've left home for a reason.

Because I felt unloved and not needed.

I was constantly getting angry

Even though it wasn't my fault.

I was blamed for everything.

Ignored when I was begging for help.

There was always a fight.

And I was the one on the floor

Being punched in the face constantly.

Yet it was my fault and that I deserved it.

In my family, there is a favorite child.

My parents always do everything for her.

And she's two years younger than me.

She had a big graduation.

With people who love her.

She got plenty of scholarships.

And got accepted into a big college.

I am proud of her and would support her

In anything that she does.

But I feel like an outcast

Because I never got the things that she's gotten.

I wouldn't call it jealously.

Just a broken heart.

All I ever wanted was to be loved.

To have friends who wouldn't leave me.

That actually wanted to be around me.

A family who accepts me and loves me.

Who doesn't do everything for one child.

I may be nineteen and an adult now.

But I am still a child and deserves love.

Like everybody else.

Before telling me that I am fine.

Know my story and what I go through.

Because right now everything is not okay.

I am not okay at all.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
This poetry was written from a hurting heart. This is a personal poem that I recently wrote and It's about what I am going through.
Editing stage: 

Comments

it is not you! The people that hurt you, are hurting as much or more than you. They hurt other people because they don't know what love and respect are. They feel hollow inside and cannot feel good, until they make someone else feel bad. I don't excuse them, because they know that it is wrong. I just tell you that, so that you understand that they are; [in a way] worse off than you! You at least, know what it is to love, to want to please someone. keep writing, write about what makes you happy; look around, really see nature, take pride in yourself, be proud that you have stopped hurting yourself, that you can fly high with your poetry and that your words will soar around the world, bringing understanding to many other people like you. I like what you have done. Try looking at the things that other poets write about. See how many different things that you can write about. I think you will do very well here. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

i hope you will soon be okay. i send blessings and good energy. to me, what you wrote is not a poem. but i could be turned into a great one. some people will say that poems that just tell are okay, but they are not much in favor. you need to show and also tell. if you insert some similes, metaphors, etc. this will make it better.

I know this for a fact.
I have been there.
One of the things you need is a sense of self, accomplishment, which you can achieve through poetry.
You first really need to read a lot of poetry. The British Romantics, The American Beats, whatever floats your boat.

This was a very brave, hopefully cathartic piece.
I look forward to more.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Totally agree!

~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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