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Unloved
Unloved
When 2019 began, everything was great.
It started off with happiness.
Which was a first for me.
Since I was thirteen, life was hard.
Had no friends, and even had a family who
never once cared about me.
I was even bullied every day
For the way, I spoke and looked.
Life began to become unbearable.
So, I tried everything in my power
To make things better.
It started off sneaking online
To find people who actually liked me.
I met plenty of people.
Some nice and most horrible.
Things took a turn and that's
When the pain began.
I became so involved on the internet
Taking in every negative word that
These teens and adults threw at me.
It was dragging me into a dark place
That I never knew existed
I began doing things to myself
That caused my mental pain to
increase.
But the physical pain
Distracted me for awhile
Before it became an addiction.
Self-harm was the only thing
That I turned to and trusted.
Because I was alone and unloved.
With no one there for me.
I kept this a secret for so long.
Thinking things would get better.
But everything went for the worse.
The bullying became more frequent.
My family was turning against me.
And all I wanted was to be happy.
I decided to try and take my life.
My thoughts were only about happiness.
Just wanting to get rid of this pain,
Loneliness and emptiness that I was feeling.
I wasn't successful and I was taken away
To a place where my depression only got worse.
Medicine was taken every day to take away this feeling
And I had to talk to someone about everything that happened.
Even though I wasn't being truthful about what's going on.
Throughout my childhood and teenage years.
Things only got much more difficult.
lost plenty of friends.
Never had a real relationship
Because I was used and cheated on.
Self-harmed even more
And tried to take my life a few more times.
Now I'm nineteen years old
Hadn't been in a hospital or
Self-harmed in a year.
I feel proud of that
But the pain is coming back
This time it's intense.
I've left home for a reason.
Because I felt unloved and not needed.
I was constantly getting angry
Even though it wasn't my fault.
I was blamed for everything.
Ignored when I was begging for help.
There was always a fight.
And I was the one on the floor
Being punched in the face constantly.
Yet it was my fault and that I deserved it.
In my family, there is a favorite child.
My parents always do everything for her.
And she's two years younger than me.
She had a big graduation.
With people who love her.
She got plenty of scholarships.
And got accepted into a big college.
I am proud of her and would support her
In anything that she does.
But I feel like an outcast
Because I never got the things that she's gotten.
I wouldn't call it jealously.
Just a broken heart.
All I ever wanted was to be loved.
To have friends who wouldn't leave me.
That actually wanted to be around me.
A family who accepts me and loves me.
Who doesn't do everything for one child.
I may be nineteen and an adult now.
But I am still a child and deserves love.
Like everybody else.
Before telling me that I am fine.
Know my story and what I go through.
Because right now everything is not okay.
I am not okay at all.
Comments
Geezer
Sun, 2019-12-22 12:16
Please understand...
it is not you! The people that hurt you, are hurting as much or more than you. They hurt other people because they don't know what love and respect are. They feel hollow inside and cannot feel good, until they make someone else feel bad. I don't excuse them, because they know that it is wrong. I just tell you that, so that you understand that they are; [in a way] worse off than you! You at least, know what it is to love, to want to please someone. keep writing, write about what makes you happy; look around, really see nature, take pride in yourself, be proud that you have stopped hurting yourself, that you can fly high with your poetry and that your words will soar around the world, bringing understanding to many other people like you. I like what you have done. Try looking at the things that other poets write about. See how many different things that you can write about. I think you will do very well here. ~ Geezer.
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cathy mccormick
Sun, 2019-12-22 21:26
i hope you will soon be okay.
i hope you will soon be okay. i send blessings and good energy. to me, what you wrote is not a poem. but i could be turned into a great one. some people will say that poems that just tell are okay, but they are not much in favor. you need to show and also tell. if you insert some similes, metaphors, etc. this will make it better.
weirdelf
Sun, 2019-12-29 07:35
Sooner or later you will be ok.
I know this for a fact.
I have been there.
One of the things you need is a sense of self, accomplishment, which you can achieve through poetry.
You first really need to read a lot of poetry. The British Romantics, The American Beats, whatever floats your boat.
This was a very brave, hopefully cathartic piece.
I look forward to more.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Geezer
Tue, 2019-12-31 16:24
What Jess said...
Totally agree!
~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.