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Unknown Fame
Unknown fame
The red-carpet rolls unto the halls
Bleeding feet and worn-out clothes.
No flashing lights, no fans speak your name.
No mounting of cheers or a round of applause.
Just the echo of silence
As dust settles on your trophy.
Is this what you worked so hard for
With no help or guidance.
A lifetime of love has been but defiled.
For where are they now?
All that you were promised.
Now the memory of it all as a child.
The bread and the wine you were forced to take.
The rounds you kept holstered in moments of rage.
The screams you kept silent to get here.
Was it all a mistake?
Was this all a lie I chose to believe?
A story I fell for.
Where are you? I can’t help but cry
A lifetime I can no longer retrieve.
For the last time I drop to my knees
In one last plea
If you are really there I beg of you, please.
I was yours now set me free
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
This is on the premise of afterlife but please let me know how you took it
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2021-04-13 08:42
Your title...
brought me in. I was intrigued by the thought of unknown fame. Your language use is fine and I think that the pacing of it is
very good. I like the theme; the questioning of the mores and values that you were raised with. The beginning was a mystery that started resolving itself, right away. It ended on a note that makes one ache for an answer. Is the lifetime of following the rituals and doctrine of a strict religious order; denying one, of pleasures that ordinarily would be construed as benign, worth the cost of things you might have done? Altogether, a great piece of work. ~ Geezer.
.
It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?