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Unfiltered <---- (February contest entry)

Cannot focus:
Hocus pocus,
Abracadabra – wait! Hold on-
What am I saying?
My mind is fraying . . .
Diddle-ee-dum and Hee-hee-

No!
Get it together!
You can do better!
Concentrate!
Replicate!
Indicate!
Fascinate . . .

Lost it again.
Come on, try again:
“The root of the matter
Is skinny, and flatter
Than my grandma’s pancakes . . .”

No, I’m not hungry,
Or am I? This bungee-
ride is chaotic
And makes me err-
otter! No, odder.

Ah, me, what a bother –
I think of a word,
Then – poof! – it’s a bird:
I’m flying, trying, sighing

Digressing,
Depressing,
Translating-
Wait, where’d that come from?
Hum, dee dee dee, dum;
Doodle-doo; Ba-pah-da;
And oof – yadda yadda.

No, I am not a
Sane person, but a
Mess in my mind – uh -
(can’t find a rhyme) – bu-
t (see what I did there?)
(Hee-hee) it’s so rare
‘Cause the way I think leaks like
The air from a tire-bike -
Bike-tire! I meant that . . .
And then the joke falls flat.

Uhh . . .

Abracadabra
Boom-bapa-doom,
Hocus focumba . . .

Yeah, now I’m done.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Having written this poem three days ago, imagine my surprise when I saw this month's prompt for the first time today! Couldn't resist entering this poem, though it's not a whit as good as most of your guys' own entries. Still, I hope you don't grimace too much as you read. ;) Yes, this is a lot what my unfiltered (goofy) mind looks like. No, I have not edited at all. What do I call this form of poetry? Laevus cibum - which, in Latin, roughly means "A bumbling mess". *rereads poem and cringes* I am so going to regret posting this.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

This is great! Wow! This is great and fits perfectly. I would have thought that you would have written it specifically for the contest. I couldn't find a thing wrong with it! So glad that you saved and posted this one! ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Heh, wasn't expecting this response, but thank you! Ah, yes, nothing wrong with it specifically because there is nothing right. ;)
~

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

author comment

Hello, Thalassa!
I agree with Geezer! Somehow, "Bumbling Mess" is very relatable! I enjoyed every word!
Great entry and boom-bapa-doom! Good luck!
Thank you!
L

And all the other nonsensical sound-noises. They are the backbone of this bumbling poem. Glad you enjoyed it!
Thank you for commenting. :)
~

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

author comment

laughed my--shirt off! Jerry

*gives you your shirt* Better put that back on, sir. You might catch a cold. ;)
~

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

author comment

So thrilled you enjoyed it, Teddy. Really, it was written to be madness. A poem I fancy the Mad Hatter might like just fine.
Best wishes to you. :)
~

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

author comment

Thanks for giving it back, even in the form of a sneeze. ;)
~

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

author comment

Hi Thalassa,

I really enjoyed this train-of-thought piece. I think the way the cadence changes and keeps getting interrupted and then reforming is really fun!

raffy

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