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Unfiltered <---- (February contest entry)

Cannot focus:
Hocus pocus,
Abracadabra – wait! Hold on-
What am I saying?
My mind is fraying . . .
Diddle-ee-dum and Hee-hee-

No!
Get it together!
You can do better!
Concentrate!
Replicate!
Indicate!
Fascinate . . .

Lost it again.
Come on, try again:
“The root of the matter
Is skinny, and flatter
Than my grandma’s pancakes . . .”

No, I’m not hungry,
Or am I? This bungee-
ride is chaotic
And makes me err-
otter! No, odder.

Ah, me, what a bother –
I think of a word,
Then – poof! – it’s a bird:
I’m flying, trying, sighing

Digressing,
Depressing,
Translating-
Wait, where’d that come from?
Hum, dee dee dee, dum;
Doodle-doo; Ba-pah-da;
And oof – yadda yadda.

No, I am not a
Sane person, but a
Mess in my mind – uh -
(can’t find a rhyme) – bu-
t (see what I did there?)
(Hee-hee) it’s so rare
‘Cause the way I think leaks like
The air from a tire-bike -
Bike-tire! I meant that . . .
And then the joke falls flat.

Uhh . . .

Abracadabra
Boom-bapa-doom,
Hocus focumba . . .

Yeah, now I’m done.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Having written this poem three days ago, imagine my surprise when I saw this month's prompt for the first time today! Couldn't resist entering this poem, though it's not a whit as good as most of your guys' own entries. Still, I hope you don't grimace too much as you read. ;) Yes, this is a lot what my unfiltered (goofy) mind looks like. No, I have not edited at all. What do I call this form of poetry? Laevus cibum - which, in Latin, roughly means "A bumbling mess". *rereads poem and cringes* I am so going to regret posting this.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

This is great! Wow! This is great and fits perfectly. I would have thought that you would have written it specifically for the contest. I couldn't find a thing wrong with it! So glad that you saved and posted this one! ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

Heh, wasn't expecting this response, but thank you! Ah, yes, nothing wrong with it specifically because there is nothing right. ;)
~

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

author comment

Hello, Thalassa!
I agree with Geezer! Somehow, "Bumbling Mess" is very relatable! I enjoyed every word!
Great entry and boom-bapa-doom! Good luck!
Thank you!
L

And all the other nonsensical sound-noises. They are the backbone of this bumbling poem. Glad you enjoyed it!
Thank you for commenting. :)
~

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

author comment

laughed my--shirt off! Jerry

*gives you your shirt* Better put that back on, sir. You might catch a cold. ;)
~

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

author comment

So thrilled you enjoyed it, Teddy. Really, it was written to be madness. A poem I fancy the Mad Hatter might like just fine.
Best wishes to you. :)
~

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

author comment

because I'm smiling..
that was fun
best of luck for you in the competition,
oops just sneezed with a mask on ....dalm
hahaha
boo pee doo doo lalala and a flam
Dank ya,,,,,,,,

THE MARK
.
If you take the time to read a poem then take the time to let the author know you were there. Study it and form an opinion as well, even if it means going back to it more than once. That is basic critique, what Neopoet is all about.

Thanks for giving it back, even in the form of a sneeze. ;)
~

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

author comment

Hi Thalassa,

I really enjoyed this train-of-thought piece. I think the way the cadence changes and keeps getting interrupted and then reforming is really fun!

raffy

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