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An Unexpected End

There are moments,
when suddenly,
you feel as though
someone in Heaven muted
the roar of the storm,

so all that remains is
a noiseless drama -
the angry sky,
the dancing of the waves;
visions that once made sense.

there's uneasy silence
which doesn't fit the scheme of things,
that makes you wonder
if all those demons were hallucinations
even as you contemplate
the flower blooming
at your feet.

Yesterday lies just beyond my reach,
It may never have been true.

All I have is now,
where nothing speaks,
and nothing stirs.

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
to end the year...
Editing stage: 

Comments

For me this created a sense of your being in a "bubble" or shall I say in a zone of contemplation and uncertainty. If so, you have captured it well enough..May be I may have gone at a tangent. Only you can confirm if I did connect..

raj (sublime_ocean)

It feels like a calm bubble, Raj. If it actually is a bubble, I hope it doesn't burst any time soon. I like the peace and calm I feel at the moment. I want it to last.

You did connect well enough...thanks for reading this poem

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

I have felt this feeling many times. 2013 has been a weird year for me. I have felt totally overwhelmed with feelings, but at the same time felt the way this poem describes. Or I have felt totally separate in the midst of turmoil, just like the poem describes, only to feel overwhelmed by the turmoil one moment later.

I think the storm imagery was well used and I appreciate how easily I connected to the poem. I'm not sure if you intended to write it that way, but I think you wrote it in a way that it may be universally understood. Every reader can imagine themselves as the "I" in the poem, in my opinion.

If I may, I'd like to suggest a few small things to reduce wordiness:

Stanza one, line one: delete "those"
Stanza three, line one: delete "that"
Stanza four, line one: delete "my"

Thanks!

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www.lettereddandy.xyz

I'm really glad you liked this poem. It's a good thing when poems can be universally understood...this wasn't written to be enigmatic. It was supposed to be plain to all.

I like your suggestions, and have taken them to consideration. Thanks for reading.

.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment
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