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Underneath the Moonlit Sky
Why would I look up the sky at night
when stars in your eyes shine bright
while finger tips on your cheeks glide
with a soft sigh you open them wide
Why would I look up the sky tonight
when your embrace holds me tight
feels like heaven held in your arms
turned on by your seductive charms
Why would I look up the starlit night
when your form is lit in their light
countless goosebumps are roused
on the shimmering skin aroused
Why would I look up at the moon tonight
when I can see it beaming in your eyes
the only moments when I lose its sight
is in ecstasy when they shut with sighs
As the night gets long and moon dips down
delightful feelings in caresses abound
the lips are sore but craving for more
in our arms we discover a blissful abode
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
lovedly
Sat, 2016-03-12 15:41
Why would YOU look up at the moon tonight
Why would YOU look up at the moon tonight
when the moon
real one lies besides
and
why would you not love to
in ecstasy ride
with her arms entwined inside
oh how I wished I too had such a
lushous
blushous
moon ride
though here still tis cold and cloudy tonight
raj _sublime
why behind the clouds you hide
your poetry is becoming fine
like two lovers divine
ENTWINED
take care
many would love to share!
raj
Sat, 2016-03-12 15:54
Thanks Lovedly for your time
Thanks Lovedly for your time and comment...but i know there is still a long way to go..I am on a learning curve...this is not about a real time experience ..but more generic in nature about romance is this attempt....
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentlovedly
Sat, 2016-03-12 20:41
in my mind.... I find
seeds or romance
all the time
many want to bind
how can one with all grind!
alidzain
Sun, 2016-03-13 05:45
Raj
wow, this is beautiful. You, Stan and eben Jayne are wonderful with rhymes. I'm just trying to follow your eamples and still struggling at times,
Alid
raj
Sun, 2016-03-13 06:47
Hi Alid
Thanks for your time ...read and comment..you have scaled a lot higher in your poetic journey...keep it up...
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentRula
Mon, 2016-03-14 07:30
beautiful raj
The line "look up the sky..." I thought should better read as [look at...]
Your thoughts?
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raj
Mon, 2016-03-14 13:28
Thanks Rula for your time
Thanks Rula for your time read and comment....good to know you liked my attempt...
I used "look up" instead of "look at" to suggest that I would rather look down at something as beautiful...but I agree that "at" is more grammatically correct...
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Tue, 2018-01-23 05:32
Thank you Molly for the time
Thank you Molly for the time to read and for your appreciative comment...
regards..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentlovedly
Wed, 2018-01-24 04:59
is there a double meaning to'cheeks' here I wonder wide!implied
while finger tips on your cheeks glide
with a soft sigh you open them???? wide!!!!!
raj
Wed, 2018-01-24 05:21
No
No
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentlovedly
Wed, 2018-01-24 07:28
crispiest answer
I can now wonder
and visualize
the widening
immense IMAGERY Raj
u r like the Agra in India
Taj
I have to learn from you
a kid- poet
I am hope you by now
u knew