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Underground clown

The dates on my calender are crossed off
and my glock is ready to be cocked back
and it's time too get going after I've danced to this last track
I put the sawn off shotgun in my back pack .
I have cut my wrist and as it drips ill smudge it on my lips
my makeups done and I'm ready to have some fun .
I'm drinking the last bit of vodka then I'm going to get into my nova
I'm so sick of this world so there's gonna be a massacre .
I don't care about the aftermath I'm looking forward to the blood bath
Everyshot I fire every scream I hear all the rage and all the years
your going too feel my tears my pain my nose is full of cocaine
and I'm ready to get the train . Iam going to hell not heaven
Right weres platform 11 . all the stares all the talking behind my back
Like I'm nothing but a helpless mouse in a rat trap. This is the way
The only way I'm not backing down come on you suckers I've got you now !
you will have to take down the clown you laugh at there's no going back
Rat a tat tat . As I pull out my gun someone's already shouted run !
I've been shot in the shoulder I need to gt too cover
must of been police undercover .as he calls for back up
I stick out my arm and fire a few rounds back
I catch him as I'm crouching down right in his knee cap as
He falls too his knees I squeeze . The second bullet travels as he falls
penetrated deep into his skull . As I stop firing I hear the sirens

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
Rough jotted down
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

We are certainly hoping that you are joking, Jokerface! I don't want to have to be saying that we heard it here first!
This is scarier than most of my Killer ones, because it rings true. These scenarios happen way more often than I would like!
I don't find anything technically wrong, except the use of [too] in the line "after I've danced to this last track". This is like a rap, so I am not going to bother you about punctuation. I wrote one kind of like this a while ago, so you might want to check it out.
Good writing. ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Cool I will thank you

author comment

mention that the name of the poem is "Explosion" ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I was going to ask you that ! I have seen you have quite a few poems I shall check it out cheers

author comment

that appears in the poem is mass killings! I know it's comic act. But it drops scene of uncertainty and perhaps after the shooting he would escape.

Nice one.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

Hes ready to end his , life and kill as many as possible because he has suffered so much so each killing is a relief for him but he doesn't want to live hes done

author comment

editing this one, it might help if you arranged it in stanzas. This is just a silly example, but it it might help with the metre and show opportunities to add internal rhyme.

There's a glock in my sock
that I'm ready to cock
gonna shock
gonna aim it at you

There's a glock in my sock
and you're gonna walk
down the block
to the kangaroo zoo

The kanga! the kanga!
he's gonna get ranga
gonna rangatang all over you

And you're gonna cry
cause you don't wanna die
cause the greedy
get needy and fry

The chicken's a cluck
a bad motherf*k
better duck or he'll peck out your eye!

Again, just a silly example.

Thomas

.
.

...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Nice one yeah I need too do stanza

author comment

Your right mark thank you

author comment

A lazy writer and just jot ideas down before I forget ha

author comment

writing down ideas before you forget them as being lazy! I often jot down an idea so that I don't forget, while I am waiting in the car for my wife or an appointment. The laziness comes when one transforms the idea into a work. I know that sometimes, I revisit an idea and may be semi-bored with it by the time I can get around to it. This can contribute to a Laz fare attitude. In which case, you might want to put it aside for the time being and just hang on to it in a notebook or something. ~ Geezer.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I see it with paragraphs etc but obviously not to the reader yes once I've jotted down ideas I will smooth it out more lol ty

author comment

I meant I shouldn't publish it first like you said I should jot ideas down in a notebook because its not the final finished outcome. And I have know idea how to put it in paragraphs using a comp yet or polish smooth it out

author comment

Working on it

author comment

Needs polishing

author comment

I am a proponent of using stanza breaks but in my opinion they would not fit this poem. The protagonist is obviously bot high and insane so his thoughts rambling and continuous fit well. BUT the misspells need correcting. The poem itself likely mirrors the thoughts of a lot of the mass killers who spew their death and hatred in these biden times

True there ramblings of a mad man . Please point out my spelling that I need to correct I can't see it ? Ty

author comment
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