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Under times umbrella ....What is your opinion about this abstract poem

Under times umbrella

The place in mind
is a billion miles away
far beyond ones anticipated horizon…
some day it may rain there
till then just recreate…
the time has come
to simply wait…

Albeit!

let me search within and without
the hidings of yester years
now tis the moment to place ahead
times desired bait
but the shrouds of heaven
God given forbid me to relate
the time has not yet come to fly away
and so they make me stay
in the open seclusion
of an inbuilt wilderness
my soul must contain
and as we all wait
we must await the time
till then under the umbrella
which covers all darkness
to be the ultimate winner
free from all shackles…

but till then shall have to hold it
in state, so the time
may by then abate.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

As Jess would say, There are times when you write an excellent piece and this is one of them, it was well worth reading..
One line is a puzzle:- "but till then shall have to hold it"
Who I ask doth hold it twas left in the ether of eternity where one day it will rain as you will ask it to..
Grand write I am not posting at the moment, until the workshop closes, as there are few that read and comment .
Take care young Bard, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

at times I do compose well enough
but that is
at times only…
haven't seen Jess around since ages
hope all is well with him

i know disheartening no comments now
I devote more time elsewhere

loved

author comment

yet I hear your anguish.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

You mentioned God, I forgot about Jesses aversion to the subject so I shall just say as an abstract piece this one was OK.
Though as a vague Spiritualist I would only say the poem was OK and not in my belief filing cabinet, that my belief is vague is down to people trying to twist most religious beliefs for their own gains.
It would not matter what happens here on Earth, people can queue up for any belief, god or whatever in this day and age it would end up on twitter or facebook and be laughable.
As laws these varied religions use to keep the multitudes of people in some block of order, nowadays it doesn't work.
I wonder what the future will bring, my Crystal ball is clouded at the moment but who cares, at my age the sun came up this morning as it usually does and has for all my life, it is Sunday which is good we don't have damn parents dropping their kids off outside for school as they make so much noise.
Go well with all you believe young Bard and keep writing.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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