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Under the mistletoe
I have met somebody on a dating site and she's a bit younger
she's like a bright star on a cold dark black night . a glimmer of hope
a warm cosey hug on my cold body all feeling snug
my problems disappear sometimes when we're together
We met in November it's
Now December I'm know longer a loner
and instead of my
Heart getting colder
it's has started to become a bit warmer
I have become a little less frozen I stood out from a dozen
Now Iam at hers she's cooking a roast dinner and now it's in the oven .
The warmth of the fire and the logs crackling and I'm helping my self to some pork scratchings .
as its digesting going down to my guts I'm helping myself to some cashew nuts l lay back on her couch having a think my hands clasp holding a drink
Before this we had a wet warm kiss I grab her behind to claim she's mine
outside the window the backdrop of snow under the tree as I holded a mistletoe
I know this feeling won't last forever but for now we're together
Comments
Jokerface82
Fri, 2021-12-17 23:39
I have no idea how to use
I have no idea how to use paragraphs and other stuff at the moment On the computer so I'm learning . Believe me I know its bad lol
Jokerface82
Sat, 2021-12-18 00:38
Rough sketch
Rough sketch
Triskelion
Sat, 2021-12-18 01:23
Some of that
is pretty good. I like the rhyming parts the most. You seem to have a natural skill for rhythm, too. I added this to my watch list so I can follow your edits.
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
Jokerface82
Tue, 2021-12-21 05:10
Cool I welcome criticism too
Thank you not taking it too serious just letting ideas roam and having fun
Jackweb
Sat, 2021-12-18 02:45
Very connective
Each line is connected. The rythm is sound. You maintained coherency in the poem. The idea is unified without any ambiguity.
This is a senerade poetry. The two love birds meets here. I love the presentation.
"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb
Jokerface82
Tue, 2021-12-21 05:07
Cheers man
Thank you yes the flows important to me and getting the reader involved and taking them there
scribbler
Sat, 2021-12-18 14:48
Ok
Yep you need to first check for spelling then go from there. You just THINK this one is rough. The first poem I tried to post was gobblegook due to my lack of typing skills.But don't worry plenty of people here to help you along.
Jokerface82
Tue, 2021-12-21 05:05
Thank you
I just had to write it down at first . Then when I have time I'll go back and paragraph it etc