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Under depression
Autumn falls,
my thought
shatters,
scatters,
blows,
October leaves .
Please find more on my Instagram account
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
It's been a while . I appreciate any and every comment.
How do you like the twist in the last line.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Mon, 2022-10-24 10:48
I am having...
no trouble discerning the mood of this one, as your title leaves no room for debate. I understand the feel of it, because I often feel depressed at the change from bucolic summer to the approach of winter. I think that the spareness of the lines and the tapering of them to the end brings a bit more emptiness to the feel. Good job of bringing that out here with very few words.
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Rula
Mon, 2022-10-24 15:12
Hello sir Gee
and thank you so much for coming to this little thought rather than a poem. Í'm happy you got the mood here though I admit it's not about me but rather about a close friend of mine.
Hope she and soon shall overcome this phase soon.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
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Lavender
Mon, 2022-10-24 19:42
Under Depression
Hello, Rula!
So good to see your poetry! I agree with Geezer's comments. Also, I felt that "leaves" used as the last word in your poem had extra depth in meaning - as a departure in some way. Very quiet.
Thank you,
Lavender
Rula
Tue, 2022-10-25 09:09
Dear lavender
Always great to see you on my page.
I am truly thanful.
Looking forward to reading you!
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
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lovedly
Tue, 2022-10-25 06:25
RULA
Autumn leaves
but gradually
when you are depressed
think of the bare tree deserted by every leaf
till winter comes and goes
it then snows
let it be so
you just participate
another fresher golden leaf
as spring springs in
O lalalalaaaa
Rula
Tue, 2022-10-25 09:12
Lovedly
Always great to hear from you and I must say a good piece of advice that you've just offered here. I'll make sure my friend know.
Thank you for your great words.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
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lovedly
Tue, 2022-10-25 10:34
your kindness
Rula
Feel greater