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The uncertainty

Darkness looms,
with feel of horrible-
the stars, the half moon
stand at bay
courting together
and fear darkened and
drops log of horror.

betwixt the night;
the witch doctor manifested
casting his prudent spell
incantations, invocations
now the ceremony of the night.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

..has the potential to make my hair stand on end, but there are some grammatical changes you need to make to bring the stew to a boil.

Thomas

.
.

...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Would you please, put tag on those words.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

..it is poetry, not all grammatical rules apply, but here are two basic rules in the english language that can help avoid confusion in your readers.
1. Adjectives usually go with nouns. L2 is an example
"feel of horrible" would read "feelings of horror" "horrible feelings"
2. Tenses need to agree. L6,7 is an example
"and fear darkened and
drops log of horror" "darkened" and "drops" are conflicting. would read "fear darkens and drops" "fear darkened and dropped"
...and there are other ways to edit those lines to be grammatically correct which involve punctuation and other rules which govern the english language.

L7 makes me chuckle. "Log" I presume means "record" here, but I can't help but envision someone having a shit and a mummified komodo dragon or something comes out of his ass.
Like a newspaper headline.."AFRICAN BUSH MAN DROPS LOG OF HORROR!"
I would suggest changing "log" to something else, unless you intended my interpretation. At least for an english speaking audience.
I don't really have much time on my hands, but I enjoy your writing style and would like to help you improve at the english level.

Thomas

.
.

...so like my lost dreams...the flood

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

... ignore these comments. Screen issues I guess. I will reply as soon as possible.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment
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