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Two's Company...

The whimpers came from deep in the dark
Between the buildings grey
Killer heard them, from in the park
It seemed to be that way...

Curious to see, what made the sound
He strained to see through gloom
Walking slow, turning round and round
He heard the cry of the doomed

A dog lay panting, slashed and broke
In the trash from the big high-rise
He dropped the roach, after one more toke
And knelt with a little sigh

He couldn't leave, that poor soul alone
Ribs heaving with ragged breath
There... in his eyes, a light still shone
This one fought Dr. Death

Lifting up the bloody head
He spoke real soft and low
The dog was beaten, left for dead
But he refused to go

Killer lifted the hundred pounds
With ease, and strength to spare
The dog made little hurting sounds
Shhhhh.... We'll soon be there

Killer washed away the mud
The cuts and bruises would heal
An ounce or two, of Killer blood
And the deal was sealed

Now inseparable, their souls are merged
Two creatures of the night
Bodies cured, but minds not purged
Vengence rules their sight

A walk in the park, a leisurely pace
Now stiffened gait, and fur arise
Snarls twist the Black's furry face
Furious light burns in his eyes

Killer sees two shapes, high and low
A man and a dog, big and mean
They stood beneath a dim lamp's glow
Knowing... that they'd been seen

"Hey, you and your mutt, wanna make a bet?"
A fight to the death; ten grand I've got
My dog, ...he ain't lost one yet
Attached to him?... Me, I'm not

Killer spoke; Let's do it right
Me and you, are going too
Yeah, you and me are gonna fight
That's what we're fixing to do

The big black man, his golden grin
The Brindle Pit, a confident swagger
You knew they both, wanted in
Out came a mean, steely dagger

Now Killer, just happened to have a knife
His Bowie blade, was just as big
The edge was tainted, with lots of life
The Devil was dancing... a lively jig

The dogs closed fast, they bit and chewed
Savage teeth, tore muscle and hide
Blood spurted, and so wildly spewed
That surely... one would die

The men slammed together, grasping weapon hands
Straining muscles, and dancing feet
Treading to Satan's screaming band
Heavy breathing, the signature beat

As his life seeped slowly into the dirt
Gold grin spoke;... I left that dog for dead
Look at him now, he ain't even hurt
As the Black pissed upon his head

See, what a little kindness can do
Killer said, with no little pride
There's more to him, than you ever knew
And they watched, as the two of them died

Five grand showed up at Rescue Pets
Blood spattered bills, with a note
The other five, went to Homeless Vets
Please buy them all warm coats

The freezer is full of meat these days
Man and dog are eating just fine
Killer cooks, Black likes it that way
Raw meat, is no way to dine

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

one of my "Killer" writes. I know that some of you out there, won't like the thought of dog-fights, but they do happpen. This was supposed to portray a dog that was left abandoned, after being forced to fight, and losing. The guy with the golden grin, was a man with no compassion, who just got himself a better dog. Killer found the dying dog, and transfused some of his blood to the dog. This had the effect of making the dog stronger than he was before. Black recognised him, and the dog that beat him, and was only too happy to fight him again, this time coming out the winner. Killer wanted to rid the world of one more selfish, nasty person. Killer has come a long way from his roots, finding the emotions that he had lost, but has no compunctions about destroying bad people. Sorry if I upset you, with the dogs fighting. Black is alive and well, and living with "Killer". I too, hate the thought of dog-fighting and betting on them. I wouldn't hesitate to turn in anyone who has any part in it. Killer could have kept the money, but felt it was tainted, and decided to put it to good use. ~ Gee

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so glad that you see now, what I was trying to accomplish here. As I said; "Killer" is beginning to reclaim the humanity that he lost with the transformation that he had, so long ago. Thanks for the kind words, [I blush still, when someone says that my work is, brilliant, genius, and all that stuff, but don't stop!] I am starting work soon on the life of Killer. I'm hoping that I can get all of the Killer poems together, and put them in some semblence of order, and then show what happened to make "Killer" the thing that he is. Love ya, ~ Gee

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Wow!

Now there's a tale! And a dark and frightening one it is, too...

Almost "Sin City" in the quality of its visuals ... I see lots of black and red and very deep shades of blue...

I liked this one a lot, even though it reads a LITTLE rough in places, particularly in a couple of places where the meter skips a beat or gets an extra beat, or a couple of places where the rhyme seems a tad forced... such as "And knelt with more than a sigh".

But I'm reading this from a lyricist's viewpoint, so keep or sweep :-)

Good work, overall

Psyve

P.S. : Something about the meter and the darkness of this boem reminded me of the lyric of a song I worked on briefly, a couple of years ago, and left unfinished. Maybe you can help me with that one sometime.... it needs closure...

that some of the meter seems a little rough, but I will work on it. Thanks for the read, and the comments. This is a work in progress. I always want to hear what people think, and try hard to deliver the best poems I can. I would like to see this song you have, and sure, will help in any way I can. "Killer" is one of my favorite characters. He was born to help me work off my anger at certain situations. He has a brother, Sir Gee, who is his alter-ego. Sir Gee helps him become more civilized, and has been instrumental in bring some depth to "Killer". ~ Geezer

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I think the roughness of this is a good reflection on the protagonist. If only all who fight dogs could suffer a similar fate.....................scribbler

to that. I will try not to smooth this one out too much. LOL Still working on a few places. Thanks, ~ Gee

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yes a long dark tale ,,,,,,,,,,dog fights
what a cruel reality ,,,,,,,,,
"Curious to see, what made the sound
He strained to see through gloom
Walking slow, turning round and round
He heard the cry of the doomed",,,,,,,,,I like this stanza for the
way it sounds as well as being part of a well told tale ,,,,,,,,,

"also these lines stood out for me ,,,,,,",The men slammed together, grasping weapon hands
Straining muscles, and dancing feet
Treading to Satan's screaming band
Heavy breathing, the signature beat",,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

my favorite lines too. I think I was inspired by a song, when I wrote the lines about the men fighting. I can't remember what one, or who wrote it, but seem to almost hear it in my head. Strange, how some things come to a person when writing, but there it is. If you think this one was long, I promise that the birth of "Killer" will be as long or longer. Well, back to work on that. Thanks for the read and comments, ~ Gee

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took about a week, to be as you see it. I have been working a little more than usual, due to the snowy weather we have had. I normally work only Sat. and Sun, but when we have snow, they ask me to work in place of another driver that doesn't work well in the snow. I didn't want to be too graphic, because I know that this is a really touchy subject for some people. I abhor dog-fighting, but I did want to make a statement about it. I am glad that I have done the job of making it clear, that this is a crime, and a really sick way of making money and [having fun?]. Thank you for the high praise. Love ya, ~ Gee

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Yo killer! Er Sir Gee... (You have to read it out loud, I think, if I'm getting the hang of this.)

Whimpers came from deep of dark
Between the buildings grey
Killer heard each sniffle in the park
It seemed to be that way..

Shall I go on?

~A

You do seem to be getting the hang of it. I'm not sure that the word [sniffle] fits well, I think that it kinda sounds like he has a cold, rather than being hurt. If you pick a subject that has some passion for you, something that ticks you off, you could do as well, or better. Think about something that really pisses you, and write! Let's see what you can do! ~ Gee

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as usual, an hour before I really have to. As if four o'clock in the morning isn't early enough! Just thought I would check to see if there were any more comments on this one. Don't worry, Killer and Black will be right outside, to keep the baddies away. Glad I made such an impact with this one. Still working on the birth of Killer. I hope to have it finished soon. Guess I'll lay down for a little while more before getting up to go to work. Love and higgest bugs, ~ Guy

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