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Two Uncomfortable Poems

-An Empty Revolver-

mine was a horror writers role
to make a plot
one with a vicious villain
a seemingly helpless victim
one that reached out
to all those crisis resources
only to be turned away
for lack of community funds
friends that under played their role
a few nights on their couch
to let her abusive villain cool off
or rehearse his come-back lines
how truly amazed he was when
she came back with a smile
or was it a smirk?
she eased into her routine role
apologetic for her lack of respect
surly he was right all along
she held her suffered pose
long enough to empty her revolver
nothing fatal at first
one to the villains gut
one to each knee
(that’s three determined shots)
then one for each "PLEASE?"
number six..Finale

-Silly Putty Girl vs Master Baiter-

Round 1

" Hello,nice to

meet you ."

"Uh hi…have

we met…?"

"Nice shoes!"

"Why thanks

I just bought



Flag on the play

he was there

when she got

them at the mall!

Round 1 to him…

Round 2

"Hello …you look


"Really?Have I

met you before


"You went to

Duncan Myer


"Yea! I did

did you …?"

"Yea …Go Duncan

High Rangers!"

( Whoa! What a hook!)

Flag on the play

she has a class

bumper sticker

on her car.

Round 2 to him.

Round 3

"Hello we haven’t

meet yet."

"I’m sorry how

sould I know you?"

"I’m a friend

of Inez."

"Oh I know her


(Whoa!That was

a smooth line!)

Flag on the play

she picks her friend

up from work every

other day and

she wears a

name tag at work

Round 3 to him

she is putty in his hands

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
Since these two deal with similar themes I put them together.
Editing stage: 


good write, with dramatic techniques that makes the poem interesting, it reminds me of digit on the one hand

variables....i like in these writes
that its clear cut and viable
staple understanding

personas and characters
our world still strives to believe
in old value systems
and behaviour codes to morals
and expectations..
and then

the real is complex and
twisting outcomes
subtextual meaning
and vague controversies

where I like...
beneath the mists

I like the style of your writing
very direct
the metromone methodology

still this is sharp
and on track
Thank You

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