Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Two in the Rain

two joined, separated
a brother now one
and his brother's friend
a friend that loved
filled that emptiness
that hearth and home
could not mend
one fateful day
their ways crossed
to wayward wend

what tears run streaks
on your redded cheeks
why the furtive pulse
in your eyes it shows
so plain a plan
to bring him back
though a means to do
so sorely lack

keep alive that
sacred part you filled
his heart and thus
wherever he may be
there shall you also
remain his friend
no brother, nor blood
no rain, nor wind
would understand

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
The title of this one is quite long, again. Hope that isn't too much of a bother.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Your poem
Is lovely
Really
That does
Loved see

You all rrr poets
Of sub consciousness
I of self adoration
But when I write
Abstract ones too
I don't even know
What I myself did do
So I compose
But with a silent gait
Lest I am found
Out,
At an erroneous gate!
Albeit!

loved

what you experience in your days and in your past
your memories and whatever touches you most
then let the Muse direct your poetic path
and allow you pen to paint with words that sight
you will find treasures thus transformed
and in that achievement find no regret

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

author comment

SO i COMPOSED ANOTHER POEM

THE ONLY DIFFERENT WAYS

HAVE UR TAKE

U MAY ONCE AGAIN MUSE

AND ERE I DO CONFUSE

DON'T LET OUT THE RUSE

WOW U R English is funtastic

my eyes glued to the type
so please excuse
the case
just in case!

loved

it's like listening to someone screaming. hahaha.... thanks for the comment. and I will read your poem the only different ways. cheers.

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

author comment

is only when i don't know
the CAPS R on
as i belong to ancient typists
who type like fighting with wrists
that's all about to CAPItals
aint it?
SUReLY Enough
u like it half caps on
and half
u know what
taken down

loved

Cryptic,

Excellent ending! Thoroughly enjoyed this one.

Victor

"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."

Unknown (at least to me)

CB,

I am not a big fan of long titles, but this is my exception. The title immediatley gave us the image from where the rest of the poem started from.

Just the right amount of emotion as this topic could of gone a lot deeper and been just too heavy.

The rain really gave this the cloud of gloom it needed.

Really enjoyed it,

HS

--------------
Workshops are now open:
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/find
--------------
With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

Titles are the death of me.
That may be my greatest fear... to give an apt name to a body of poetry.
Thanks for having spent time with this poem
and thanks even more so for responding to it. CB

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

author comment

free end.................

loved

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.