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Two Limericks (limerick workshop)

Li -li -limericks are filled with wild words
that most good old folk never heards.
They make it their pride
to keep them inside
and not trail along 'hind the herds.

A Limerick is not but a fable,
produced by small men hardly able
to give a good rhyme,
a cent or the time
or I've fallen out of me cradle.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Houston, we are beyond our comfort zone. We are obviously venting a hot gas. Awaiting further instructions. I could barely find the rhythm without a lot of reading out loud and quickly. I still wonder about some of it. I've managed to eliminate the rude of it, but both are Opera Buffa. The Tragedy yet eludes me.
Editing stage: 

Comments

This is a deliberately provocative and challenging workshop designed to force us to consider form versus content

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

But I will try.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

is not a bad example. At least its rhythem is of the limerick's (I guess). However, I thought 'cradle' does not perfectly rhyme with 'fable' and 'able', does it?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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The words are not authentic rhymes, but they rhyme in assonance, Country western does it a lot. Near rhyme.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

never heards.????
of course never heard
snow our man

perhaps never herd even

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