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Twilightning

Submitted by docmaverick on Tue, 2010-11-02 09:17

With a series of chants
and a supernatural song,

one can be lifted in "twilight"
and be suddenly, gone !

Be not ambiguous
float your heart, high,

savor each moment
and cherish, each "sigh".

Should gravity lean, "heavy"
and cause one to, sway,

find solace, profound
that one's frame bends, that way;

and as the eve swallows
the day, into night;

respect every law
that governs, "twilight"!

Style / type:

Structured: Western

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Editing stage:

Editing - polished draft

Comments

judyanne

Tue, 2010-11-02 10:32

i really like the way this rolls off the tongue doc

even though i don't really know what you are saying.....

i absolutely love:
'Should gravity lean heavy
and cause one to, sway,
find solace, profound
that one's frame bends that way'

a very interesting write
love judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

docmaverick

Mon, 2012-01-02 08:32

Thanx Judyanne....l

...for your very generous remarks. I really can't say what I was trying to say....probably nothing.
Sincerely,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

Rett

Tue, 2010-11-02 10:56

As the norm, an intriguing write with a very smoth rhythm and attention to detail. It always bothers me when I cannot find anything to critique about a poem as I feel I am not doing my share. I was impressed with the quality of this one. Very well done sir.

Respectfully,
Rett
"If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed. " Ben Franklin

docmaverick

Mon, 2012-01-02 08:30

As always, Rett....

...I'm late responding. Thanx soo very much for the compliment.
Always good to see you commenting. Because whether or not you realize this....every time you give a response, there are quite a few that listens; irregardless as to your content of your reply.
Fear not, friend poet! I'm always one that does.
Very sincerely,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

scribbler

Tue, 2010-11-02 22:50