When in strange bars and with large strangers,
We tourists often land in danger.
As hours go by we purchase Cola
For some old tart whose name is Lola
We pay as if it were champagne
(I'll never go back there again)

But tourists have strong constitutions,
Survive the Runs (and revolutions).
Sunburn and long, long flight delays.
(I once lost ten hours in a maze)
But in Sri Lanka, near to Galle
I took a Tuk - Tuk to the Mall.

We both piled in, behind the driver,
Agreed the fare (less than a Fiver)
But then I made the fateful error
Which led to half an hour of terror.
I merely asked, wanted to know,
"And just how fast does this thing go?"

As those words spread upon the breeze,
Giant fruit bats dropped down dead from trees.
And from a chipmunk's nest was heard
Acts three and four - Richard the Third.
With chipmunk dressed as Prince of Wales!
But I digress - back to my tale

Our driver prayed, down on one knee,
To access Hell's machinery
Those mighty engines, fuelled by Sin,
Could never be surpassed by men.
So as the Tuk - Tuk left hotel,
The engine howled; a note from HELL

That day we diced with death, I guess
But Lady Luck had done Her best
Our Tuk - Tuk slid through two - foot gaps
'Tween trucks and buses, bikes and carts.
This was the Tuk - Tuk's greatest trick
Because it measured three foot six!

Returning to Lighthouse Hotel
The traffic like Bats out of Hell
Our Tuk - Tuk driver was no worse
Than any other, all are cursed.
The Lighthouse,though, a quiet oasis,
While outside it's the Wacky Races !