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The Truth The Dead Know by Anne Sexton (The right amount of imagery WS

Gone , I say and walk from church,
As the stiff body embraces the grave
letting the dead cool at the hearse
it is Jun, battling the sun is being brave

We turn to the Cape, I cultivate
myself a sacred melody from the sky
where the sea bangs like an iron gate
and we touch. In this way people die.

My darling, the wind has often blown
from the raging water and when we touch
we lose the touch entirely. No one's alone.
Men kill for this, or for such

And what of the dead? They lie and lose
in their graves. They are more like a stone
than the sea would be in touch. They refuse
to be blessed, throat, eye and knucklebone

THE TRUTH THE DEAD KNOW by Anne Sexton

Gone , I say and walk from church,
.....the stiff...................grave
letting the dead.................the hearse
it is Jun, .........................being brave

We .........to the Cape, I cultivate
myself..............................from the sky
where the sea..................like an iron gate
and we touch. In .................people die.

My darling, the wind........................
from the ...........water and when we touch
...................touch entirely. No one's alone.
Men kill for this, or for........

And what of the dead? They lie............
in their............They are more like.........
than the sea would be............. They refuse
to be blessed, throat, eye and knucklebone.

Rhyming with abab pattern. *written for poet's dead mother

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
This wasn't easy. In fact some stanzas especially the last two were really tough. This is the best I could do. Hope the whole thing makes sense and gives justice to the original.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I think you have done a splendid job the only problems I had were with the use of Jun in the first stanza is that meant to be June or is it the monetary value ? The last verse lacks a little cohesion I was a little lost to the meaning, but I know how hard it is to fill the blanks so to speak, I spent all night and day thinking on the possibilities of my word choices before I finished my edit...

I will give that last verse some thought if I can think of anything I will get back to you

love Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

The last line is just as the original poet wrote it.........stan

Thank you dear. Yes, that IS a hard task and it lacks sense even after reading the original. As Stan pointed out, that last verse is how appeared in the original. May be you mean the last stanza? If so, I agree, the last two stanzas drove me crazy.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

I applaud your effort because honestly I felt this assignment was the most difficult than those given to me Chrys and Jayne. Perhaps you were stuck at line 4 of stanza 3 h\which feels like an incomplete sentence / thought to me...

I bet you have must have felt a lot relieved to complete the assignment by giving it your best shot...i know how anxious you must be to see Stan post the original...keep your fingers crossed :)

raj (sublime_ocean)

Many thanks for your encouraging words. I'm happy though Stan has given me such a hard task because for me this simply means that he doesn't consider me less than any of the natives, which honestly I again appreciate a lot.
I agree with you concerning that stanza. I didn't feel happy with it either.
Again thanks for the comment.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Few minutes back you posted a comment in the Workshop thread which said you were tired after a long journey and would be going to sleep. The very fact you are still here is proof how keen you were to see the comparisons between the two versions, yours and the original lol..You can now sleep well after reading good comments about your attempting that very tough exercise...

raj (sublime_ocean)

You're right to a large extent. However, I have to admit that I have read the original as soon as I submitted my version. Remember that Stan has never mentioned not to read the original AFTER submitting our works, has he?

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

You are smart. Yeah Stan hadn't said not to read the original after submitting your version. So you certainly didn't break the rules, may be bent them a wee bit within permissible limits..lol...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Not to bad at a difficult task but I do see some things that I might suggest need changing.

1- embrace ( embraces)

2-imho-the word cool at the hearse does not make sense(maybe something like ,repose in the hearse)

3-this way ( what if you said an instant)

4- they are more like( the earth)

5-then the sea would be(the sky)

6-I can't say that I care for the poem at all as it does not make sense to me, and as always these are only suggestions nothing is written in stone

you probably will lose tha rhyming pattern but as Stan stated in mine that is the least of the problems. the idea is to form an image

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

no 4- they are more like( the earth)
if its written like this, it won't rhyme with knucklebone.

Anyway I think it is a very good attempt, Rula. Bravo! (clapping)

Alid

I did not say it was not a good attempt infact it was a very difficult piece to work worth and Rula did a fine job with what she was given. I also mentioned my suggestion would throw the rhyme off however I was going on the idea of focusing more on image but yes it was not an easy task that Stan set her to and I do agree my assignment was easier wonder how close I came to the original though lol

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

and no, I didn't mean it that way, I was just commenting on the suggestion you give because I was curious and I didn't realize you have said that it will throw off the rhyme to her.my bad..sorry

Alid

Khalid. Appreciate your kind words.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Many of what you've stated is right, however, I can't get your last points. May be I am tired. I'll come to it again later.
when you say you don't care for the poem does this mean you didn't like it?

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

This is a beautifully and extremely prophessionally written piece. I'm envious of your gift. But I suppose it had to take the loss of your mother to write it perhaps not. Its still better than anything I've ever written.

John

How great it is to hear from you especially that you are not participating in the workshop. I really am honored with your appraisal, however you need to know that the utmost part is by "Anna Sexton". It's not all by me.
Thought you would like to search for the original version since you like it that much.
Your visit though is valued highly.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

I am afraid I won't be able to respond to the comments or do any revisions before Tuesday as I have to travel home for three days. Thought I would tell you.
see you soon dear friends.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Send my regards to your family.Take care, Rula. May Allah watch over you and your loved ones...

Alid

For your wishes.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

But you should know that.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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It means a lot.
I know some lines don't make much sense. I tried to put myself in the writer's shoe (perhaps that wasn't the best to do) and there was the hardest part. To create an imagery isn't that hard, but to know what/ how others want to paint isn't easy at all.
Again, many thanks.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

I think it's good if Stan would provide the original version here for everyone to see

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

I don't know why Stan has not posted the originals and made you girls mad with curiosity. Perhaps, he has a habit of younger days to keep girls waiting and guessing...lol...

raj (sublime_ocean)

LOL

Alid

Here is the original :
The Truth The Dead Know by Anne Sexton

Gone, I say and walk from the church,
refusing the stiff procession to the grave,
letting the dead ride alone in the hearse.
It is June. I am tired of being brave.

We drive to the Cape. I cultivate
myself where the sun gutters from the sky,
where the sea swings in like an iron gate
and we touch. In another country people die.

My darling, the wind falls like stones
from the whitehearted water and when we touch
we enter touch entirely. No one's alone.
Men kill for this, or for as much.

And what of the dead? They lie without shoes
in their stone boats.
They are more like stone
than the sea would be if it stopped. They refuse
to be blessed, throat, eye, and knucklebone.

Well , Rula I guess it matters more how You think you did than how I think you did. But you did well in not overdoing the imagery although a few of your lines are hard to figure out your intent..........stan

:)

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

says one thing, fingers type another lol

It had brought on a smile for me too, when I saw it was addressed to Ian through oversight. Then I saw that in the closing lines Stan had indeed meant it for you. :)

raj (sublime_ocean)

Till this very moment, even after reading the original version, some verses in the poem don't make much sense for me. I believe it is one of those few which needed to know about its background.( Anna's father's death followed by her mother's) though you gave a hint, the speaker and the title didn't work together, at least for me. I wish others would say what they think of it, knowing that I'm not happy with my work.

In addition, I don't know, were we supposed to paint the closest imagery the original poet did?
Or was it enough to work out images that go with the whole poem?
However, I know these questions should have been asked earlier.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

The first priority was to not over or under do it with the amount of imagery. If in doing so you also were close to the original that's a bonus. It means you likely caught the author's thoughts...........stan

If Ihave any typos as I am doing the whole thing with my cell phone.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

you would identify the lines which don't make sense I might be able to help. "In another country people die" for instance I think means the author is not used to having death so near............stan

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