Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Trial By Fire
Like shadows passing through a dream
energy flowing in a steady stream
they are haunting every move I make
and stealing every breath I take
Not wanting my lead to follow
easier to hold your fears than swallow
You have become my judge and jury
guilty by unfair comparison surely
Gaining entrance to where I need to be
it is not any easy task for me
for you are the jailer and you hold the keys
I see a heart placed on a pyre
why make a heart suffer a trial by fire
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
very cryptic read into it what you will and you may just be right
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
c lynn brooks
Wed, 2020-04-29 09:10
jerry
thank you. you are more perceptive than you think
Chrys
check out our chat room open to all 24/7
author commentlovedly
Wed, 2020-04-29 07:42
I'd wish you replaced one heart with another
I see a heart placed on a pyre
why make a heart suffer a trial by fire
c lynn brooks
Wed, 2020-04-29 09:11
lovedly
thnaks for the read not understanding your comment though
Chrys
check out our chat room open to all 24/7
author commentGeezer
Wed, 2020-04-29 11:47
I like...
the two-by-two lines of rhyme. I don't often do it, because it is hard to maintain for any length of time. The one three line thought, didn't feel out of place at all. I can appreciate the theme, because I have your leave to make of it what I will. I do believe that it is understood and consequently no need of further elucidation. We all have those emotions and if we don't, we should at least once, to better understand; before becoming the jailer of another. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
c lynn brooks
Mon, 2020-05-11 07:14
Gee
Thanks so muchh for reading and your comments
Chrys
check out our chat room open to all 24/7
author commentc lynn brooks
Wed, 2020-04-29 21:53
Teddy
thank you
will use the line and stealing every breath I take
Chrys
check out our chat room open to all 24/7
author commentGracy
Wed, 2020-04-29 17:30
What a haunting poem, Lynn.
What a haunting poem, Lynn. You've written those shadows into a lovely rhyming piece. I have no crits, just hope you have better dreams in the future. I sometimes have nightmares and even grind my teeth...
Happy dreams. Enjoyed.
*
*
*
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury
c lynn brooks
Wed, 2020-04-29 21:55
Gracy
thank you for stopping in I appreciate it
Chrys
check out our chat room open to all 24/7
author commentSimon
Thu, 2020-04-30 11:27
Nice reading your work
I read and read over because I can't just get enough of it especially rhymes and the arrangements of words I just wish I could keep going on and on, it's a very nice one for me because lean alot from it thanks for the poem Brook.
c lynn brooks
Thu, 2020-04-30 13:22
Simon
Thank you so much for your very kind words
Chrys
check out our chat room open to all 24/7
author comment