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Tree Fruitions...... revised twice thanks Judy

Tree Fruitions
Submitted by lovedly on Fri, 2015-01-16 16:58 ....Revised and REREVISED by Judy

I've heard it takes a tree
twenty years to bear quality fruit

I have taken five decades
and am still looking forward
to some juicy ones
yet a distance away
somewhere in the background
of a horizon far away

glad but I am
many still come my way
the fragrances of my love alone
sway many

and shall
for some time more
ere I pass

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

thoughts are thrown in here. I especially liked the comparison and the title.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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long tyme
no sea

author comment

Enjoy the fruits of life while you can! life's too short to let them pass you by - this is the flavour of what you have written!

Love Mand xxxxxx

to say so Mand
thanks

author comment

Good to see you back to writing good pieces, just have a loud read of this one and see if there are changes to be made ??
This could be excellent, Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

I've heard it takes a tree
twenty years to bear quality fruit

I have taken five decades
and am still looking forward
to some juicy ones
yet a distance away
somewhere in the background
of a horizon far away

glad but I am
many still come my way
the fragrances of my love alone
sway many

and shall
for some time more
ere I pass

author comment

some suggestions - just my opinion, remember...

as well as the suggested word order changes, i have put in brackets what i would remove

Very well said my friend!
(I say it) takes a tree
twenty years to bear quality fruit

I have taken five decades
and am still looking forwards
to some juicy ones
yet a distance away
somewhere in the background
of a horizon far, (far) away

glad but I am,
many still come my way,
the fragrance of my love alone
do many sway (? sways many? it seems smoother to my ear)

and shall
ere I pass (away, soon
now some day
here I may)
for some time more (stay
as my life
gradually ebbs away!!!)

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

and
my grateful thanks Judy.

Some day you will be remembered by me

author comment

You left the ending in i see
See what others think, but it is what i call waffling :)
(Lol - when i tell you you're waffling, remember?)

But it is only my opinion as you know...

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Lol you just altered it as i was writing the above
(Giggles)

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Because i think this is so good it deserves the final polish

'the fragrance of my love
do many sway'

Grammar. Fragrance is single, so it needs to be
Either
'the fragrance of my love
does many sway'
Or
'the fragrances of my love
Do many sway'

(but i think i still prefer 'sways many' or 'sway many' (the pleural ) as it is otherwise the only old english used and seems (lol to me i stress) out of place
see what others think

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

the ending appeared a bit abrupt to me
will u please re see
finally
and recompose it with all ur edits full version as i accept ALL ur conversions
as i get confused at places
thanks lady judy

and i am now posting another one
on happiness

author comment

I've heard it takes a tree
twenty years to bear quality fruit

I have taken five decades
and am still looking forward
to some juicy ones
yet a distance away
somewhere in the background
of a horizon far away

glad but I am
many still come my way
the fragrances of my love alone
sway many

and shall
for some time more
ere I pass

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

but in this form
who will me as a poet pass
will you Judy?
now tis yours

author comment

It is yours loved

Every word and thought was in your original write
I just took out the waffle
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

you silently say
I poetise waffle
as this a sample ....hahahahhaaaa
well facts must be eschewed
if not chewed
thanks for ur kindness
Judy

author comment

Beautifully written ,my friend.

joe

where has your response gone
why are you silent
it made me worry
so now I hope
you are well
dear Joe

author comment

Each day gets harder,

I've heard it takes a tree
twenty years to bear quality fruit

I have taken five decades
and am still looking forward
to some juicy ones
yet a distance away
somewhere in the background
of a horizon far away

glad but I am
many still come my way
the fragrances of my love alone
sway many

and shall
for some time more
ere I pass

author comment
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