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Transient

The parking lot was gone
when we arrived;
new winter's wind
had blown in
from icy inland sea
and spread gold sand
thick across the asphalt
covering humanity's best efforts
to chain the reach of nature
with new beach
that soon would pile
to high sand dunes
if not for spring
and scraping
plows' arrival
uncovering
the transience of man beneath

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1coBP6n7L9v

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I thought this really powerful writing.
I most like
"covering humanity's best efforts
 to chain the reach of nature
 with new beach
 that soon would pile
 to high sand dunes"

"to high sand dunes"  too high? maybe? 

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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I completely missed your comment Rula, I apologize.
Thank you, for reading and enjoying my poem. I enjoy your enjoyment!

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

An excellent write and drives home,
that we are only visitors to this beautiful Planet,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Sorry for the late reply, yes, I agree, we are visitors, and should leave things better then they are.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

man knows he is but a mirage
dunes walk

Excellent Poem
love the word usage
and a clear observation
done in a sharp
beautiful manner

No dunes nor parking lots
were harmed in the making!!

Thank You!

Thanks for your enjoyment! Sorry for the late reply.
Dunes walk.
Says it all.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

is Lake Michigan, Baeu, inland, but large enough to be called a sea, and it almost acts like one, too.
Glad that 6you enjoyed by poem, and the speaking of it! A little trepedation on my part, as I've never recited anything of mine outside of my immediate family.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

I liked your voice, too. Calm and clear. albeit not what I expected given your profile pic. Was expecting more of a deep gravely, demon ridden voice.

Thanks for posting,

Scott

Scott

Nope, I'm not some poor possesed person, just a 21st century pagan having some fun.
I have to say I didn't enjoy reciting this very much, its just too much damned work!
Glad you enjoyed it, though.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

This was a fantastic read! Impressive not only for its word usage, but for its distinct imagery and overall intent! My congrats on this one, and hats off to boot!

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