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Tragedy

Once again, humanity is discarded.
Gaza bleeds innocence.
but the sanctity of life desecrated
is unsurprising.

Therein lies the tragedy,
a spiral of destruction upon destruction,
sparked by endless enmity,
preying on those sacrificed without reason
This is not God's decree!

It's schism of sanity
in men of power
and all their arrogance.
The devils wearing
human faces.

Where are the men of honor, clothed with integrity
all muted in their inactivity
or looking away, feigning ignorance
while Gaza continues to bleed?

How much longer are they going to continue,
as if the truth has been gouged from their eyes
while their honor sinks
into falsehood?

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

You have managed to talk about current affairs in a poetic way, which is something I strive to do but find very difficult. I feel strongly that poetry should be able to deal with such burning issues as the siege of Gaza and you have found a way to do that.
Best wishes,
Robert.

for the visit and the kind comment. This is something which really hits me with anger and sadness. The Palestinians are mostly moslems like me and the fact that this happens during the fasting month is outrageous and total lack of respect for humanity and for the religion. When I get emotional like this I can really write from the heart.

Alid

author comment

Gaza continue......s
perhaps would be slightly better
a s add on .

and the feedback, lovedly. Done the edit. I missed out on that one.

Alid

author comment

There is more honour amongst starving dogs than amongst polititians, these people are only in it for themselves. Gaza is like a training ground for the soldiers of Israel, Hamas are no better only the innocent suffer in conflict. Well written my freind, Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

I'm getting sick and tired of the damn war which killed so many innocents. The latest I heard from a friend is that the Israeli soldiers attacked the civilians who are conducting a funeral for the dead. I mean what the crap? Why attacked the people who are not even attacking you? That's why I call it madness!
Thanks for the visit and the comments.

Alid

author comment

Very current issue. Its a sad reality of man. War is nothing but something to pass the time for those with no conscious. Not the soldiers but the people in control. It looks like peace on earth is just something pagent girls will have to keep wishing for. I heard someone say it has to get worse before it will get better...but how much worse can we get? Does it all have to end in nuclear warfare and nuclear winters? Is that when people will finally realize what they've done. Torn families, corpse highways, and all because a difference of opinion and a need to prove that one side wins this pissing match. Its pathetic. Maybe one day someone will open their eyes and see the waste around them. Its nice to see someone who shares the perspective. And to see that someone so far away also cares even a little bit. Nice to see not everyones blind

Unto Oblivion, We Depart

it has to get worse before it will get better? I say this is wrong. War breeds anger, resentment, hatred and even the yearning for revenge. If it gets better, its better for whom? the warmongers? the arms dealers? it seems that these idiots never learn the lessons of the past, or should I say they don't even bother to learn from history. War is nothing new. Same goes for the sufferings of the innocents that are caught in it. The way I see it is that they just don't care. All they want is power, power, power. I agree its pathetic but what can I say? They choose to be blind and for all the power they have it didn't make them better humans but worse monsters..Thanks for the visit and the comments, my friend...

Alid

author comment

this poem is powerful in its sense of compassion for the innocent and damnation of egotistical men.
The verse that rang as the world we live in, is the power of the poem for me, speaks volumes of man's evil. as it says in the Christian bible.
I will paraphrase; 'man leads his own steps to rune, how can he lead others.'
This is the stanza that hits the mark for me:
"It's the gripping madness
in men of power
and all their arrogance.
The devils wearing
human faces"

Fast Eddie Esq.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

Glad you like it. I am feeling emotional with what's happening in Gaza. Its bad. Very bad. Thanks for the visit and the comments.

Alid

author comment

I'm seeing some procedural issues here.

Firstly, I believe folks overuse ellipsis, thinking they deliver a pensive, thoughtful ending to a sentence when, in reality, the are a fading, and elongated pause, a sense of an unfinished thought and that type of thing cannot just be thrown about.

Secondly, since this is free verse, you have to be exceptionally careful about setting the right tone in your first stanza concerning pacing and rhyme. Your first stanza is four lines and can be interpreted as an XAXA rhyme scheme, which is immediately discarded in the next stanza. This leaves your reader confused as to your structure and can be where you lose folks.

Thirdly, you have some grammar and punctuation issues. If you are going to use punctuation, you have to use it consistently and if are going to have a grammatical voice, it too should be consistent. Again, just looking at the first stanza, I've added punctuation and smoothed the grammar through some word substitutions:

Once again, humanity is discarded[.]
Gaza bleeds [innocence;]
But the sanctity of life desecrated
is [unsurprising.]

These are suggestions only, you, as the poet, will need to decide your direction.

Fourthly, you have some tired phrasing for which I've offered some suggestions. Specifically:

the repetitive cycle of violence - a spiral of destruction upon destruction
helpless innocents - those sacrificed without reason
gripping madness - schism of sanity
so-called peacekeepers - men of honor, clothed with integrity
pretending to be blind from the truth - as if the truth has been gouged from their eyes

I understand the emotion behind this piece. I fell it is important, especially for work we want to make a statement, that we make it as engagingly as possible so that, even if folks disagree with your point, they feel compelled to read through, just because the poem is so well crafted.

---------------------------------------------------------

Jonathan Moore

I'll make the edits now.

Alid

author comment

Many thanks for sharing this. I think the above comments are more than enough to guide to a better crafted poem, but I wanted to say I like the feelings there, especially the amount of anger there.

I see that you wrote this with a poet's heart and this is so precious to me.
Thank you!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

It's good that I can write with feelings and learn how to broaden my knowledge in better word crafting.

Alid

author comment

That is what they are talking about. Everyone is "just following orders". Eventually even the people fighting will ask why they are there. Eventually perhaps they'll refuse their orders. They'll strike at the people who have forced them into killing the innocent. The only way to convince them of such a thing is for them to see the crimes of their own governments and realize the crimes of it. It will be when people refuse to be coessed into conformity that the worldwide revolution would come to save us. But it would take a real catastrophe to show people this reality. And when it happens I hope the citizens are ready to react. Every empire has fallen Alid. Perhaps our war pigs are next

Unto Oblivion, We Depart

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