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Toy guns will get you killed

A twelve year old boy on the playground
Like all kids clowning around
Aims his toy pellet gun
At walkers just for fun
Shot by cops, lays dead on the ground.

Editing stage: 

Comments

Barbara.
I thought this is a well-crafted melancholic piece.
I detest terrorism that makes us mistrust even the children toys. :(

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Thanks for reading and sharing critique. Glad you like it. These tragedies are happening every day. I guess FBOOK is responsible, lol, for bringing awareness too how often this is happening. :''(.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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author comment

This maybe a short poem but it highlights this Incredible tragedy - My grandchildren are around the same age as the young man in question so this is a poignant poem for me - so so very sad, My heart goes out to the family! ( The title is meaningful - and thought provoking ).

I agree with Rula's comment in all aspects.

Keep safe

LOve Mand xxx

Glad this piece rung positive for you. Jess's WS on limericks was a blessing as I able to write these tragic events that touch my heart in poetry that works. Thanks for reading and the commentary

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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The tragedy has SO many contributing causes which makes it even more tragic. Inner city gangs which recruit kids even younger than 12 then introduce them to a world of violence and sometimes even require the novices kill somebody. And the fact that some urban policemen are actually being shot and shot at by these young people which heightens the tension level every time they respond to a call of "young person displaying weapon.' Then there are the pellet guns. I've seen both this type pellet gun and the real thing they're based on. The are almost identical in appearance. Perhaps the real shock is not that this happens but, rather, that it doesn't happen more often. It would help if toy guns were colored brightly or Something was done to make them easier to tell from the real thing. But that does nothing for this dead child and his family. They didn't buy this toy in order that their son be killed.....tragic......tragic..........

My kids oldest 28 and youngest 21 were never ever allowed to play with any kind of toy gun not even a obvious water gun or allowed to watch or play video games where guns are advertised and we never bought them one, argued and got in the face of family that thought it necessary to buy or express their disapproval of our parenting preference and that wasn't happening back then.

I think police are killing too many innocent unarmed ppl and ppl with toy guns more so than ppl with guns.nthe kill first and ask questions later seems to be the training they got. Sad tragic observation.

I think if police concentrate more on actual criminals there won't be so many innocent victims death. They concentrated too much on the peaceful protesters, taking out the eye of a pregnant young girl, sitting in a car, with a bean bag shot from his gun.

I'm glad to hear about a police chief was able to stop a bullet from killing another unarmed man trying to saved the life of his asthma stricken daughter. He ignored his lights speeding through a parking lot to avoid the red light to get home and retrieve her medicine as she was in the back seat having an asthma attack. He arrested the guy anyhow, but certain he glad to be alive and daughter unharmed.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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author comment

The gun lobby encourage us as kids to believe in the power of the gun, through backing tv shows etc. We as kids jump in both feet and take up toy guns pellet guns and so on. And then the cops have split seconds to decide if someones life is in danger, or if it's kids clowning around. They make the toy guns to look as real as possible that sells better, i feel sorry for the kids that get shot by mistake. But the cops have to live with it. Yes there are bad cops,. but there are bad civilians as well look at some of the school shootings. Your poem just reminds us that if there were less guns even toy guns, and if we didn't need to be so reliant on them, they'd be less tragedies. Love Roscoe....

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Kill first ask question later wasn't alway the only way to police. Killing unarmed innocent ppl got to stop. Cops aren't killing the thugs and criminals. We can't just accept cops are in fear of innocent ppl. Criminals shoot police not unarmed ppl just trying to live life. There is too much acceptability of police killing and calling innocent unarmed ppl that's been shot to death just to justify the killing is sad

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Yes – a powerful write that tells, simply and succinctly, of an horrific incident that is neither simple nor succinct... and thus hits the reader much harder imo than if you had written a screed of words
I have only one suggestion for the sake of tense.... in the last line
‘shot by cops, now lays dead on the ground’
great write Barbara
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

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