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Too Long?

.
as the crab sleeps gradual and gently
in the slow boiling pan of cuisine
do I doze in the pot of the physical
forgetting where I have been

letting it slip from memory -
the wondrous awareness of
a place of marvel far removed from
this reality that I quaff

am I becoming entwined in the worldly
in stupor of who I am
with amnesia of the other me
and thus from true knowing banned

so have I been in the pot too long
in that saucepan on slow burn
with my mind getting dimmer and dimmer
heavy lethargy all I will earn

slipping away from the sea of knowledge
lost in sense sublime
moving slowly towards unconsciousness
asleep in the pot of Time?
.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I bet this has been inspired while you were preparing your meal, or lying hungry dreaming of a nice meal..Lol
Really great use of metaphor and word choice. I especially liked the use of "stupor" and "amnesia"
why "gradual" and "gentely", not "gradually and gently?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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I used gradual rather than gradually, for the rhythm more than anything...

lol - I don't often get to prepare a meal of crab these days - my favourite food (or one of them) - rather expensive here, unless one catches their own - just as difficult these days as they seem to be in danger of being fished out. When I was kid we used to catch them by the laundry tub-fulls....

Thanks for the read and comments
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

You get your point across cleverly and effectively through word pictures. :) it make's your writing interesting and motivates the reader. :)

I see you haven't used capitals, full stops etc - is that standard practise. ( wondering if I should do the same )

Love to you ( from one crab to another ) lol xxxx

Mand xxx

Thank you for the very kind comments

I rarely use capitals, or punctuation at the end of a verse (I do within) ... exceptions being some narrative.... I just think a lot of punctuation looks messy.... lol - just me

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I liked the relativity and impersonation aspect which I found unique.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank you very much for the read and comment
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

And you have depression. Are you in Sydney? I will force you to go for lovely walks and talk to people, the best possible cure.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

No I am not depresses -- did this write make you think I was -- interesting...

No - I'm not in Sydney, don't look like getting there any time soon either, sadly. And, lol, I don't have time these days to go for a leisurely walk... but, lol again, I get plenty of walking therapy at work.... and I talk to plenty of people there too...

Doesn't mean I wouldn't be able to fit in a few leisurely walks with you if you happened to pop over here for a visit :)
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Was it supposed to be about depression? A general sense of ennui with a gasronomic theme?
Help me out here.
I hate screwing up, I'm supposed to be insightful, well I try to pretend to be.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

your take on this. It could definitely be seen as a subtext of the intended meaning, being the likening of my soul in this reality to the slow heating of the crab in the cooking pot. Neither of us realising we are heading deeper into unconsciousness.... albeit that the crab is heading for unconsciousness to life, and I am heading towards the unconsciousness of Knowledge (capitalised purposely) - so lol, there it seems I've now found a flaw in the rationale of the write :(

But, as you know, I'm with the group that believes the poem belongs to the reader, and I really like that someone sees a subtext, that I hadn't even intended, as text

thanks Jess
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

and or but
Time is limitless
how do u propose to contain it TIME ... in a pot?
like a pot of gold!
I wonder hence your views are solicited
ere my mind goes amiss

Good point - another flaw? Maybe .... unless you see time as a section only of the whole...
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
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