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Too Late

Too long you have shunned my rights,
turning me into a nest of grief.
I'm weary of all these endless fights,
taking me away from any relief.

You live your life, in celebration of sins
while my heart cracked in despair.
Rage, hate and pain have thickened my skin
as my soul fell into a state of disrepair.

I am already broken but you are blind,
sticking to your bloody ego, burying my smile.
The love we had, relics of a forgotten time.
Your presence now leaves me with a taste so vile.

When my patience broke into a thousand pieces,
weakened by years of hammering pain,
I took our son away from your binding curses
and a lifetime of dark, gloomy rain.

I won't allow him to be scarred further
by your inability to love as a father.
You can shed a million crocodile tears
but this nonsense ends here!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Sounds like you've had enough! In stanza 2, line 3 you might try something like "rage, hate and pain have thickened my skin. Third line of stanza 3 also needs consideration....reads a bit confused to me. ...........stan

I'm writing from another's point of view. Its like acting. This time its the voice of a wife who is fed up with the violence in her marriage and her husband's inability to be a caring father and a loyal husband. I've made the edits. What you think. The truth is this poem starts out as a tyrant who is facing death and regretting his sins but the souls of the people he has wronged cannot forgive him and they drag him to hell. Alas, I'm not happy with the lack of poetic way of expression in it so I revamped the whole thing. This is the result.

Alid

author comment

Before I comment, is this written from a woman's perspective

(by your inability to love as a father.) ?? that's why I asked

when you've answered I will make sure to give you my thoughts on this
I will keep an eye out for your reply !!

love and biggest hugs Jayne xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Yes it is! If you look at my reply to stan you'll know its about a failed marriage where violence have scarred both mother and son.

Lots of love and big hugs
Alid

author comment

I don't like to be swayed by other peoples comments so I try not to read them

I felt the bitterness and the pain you've expressed that well and used the right words that emphasizes that, you've come such a long way since you first started here, your work is much more polished

kudos on the write hon

love and big hugs ... Jayne

p.s. was just about to go to bed and you caught me just before I logged out lol good timing

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

In truth I have much more to learn. This piece starts of as the story of a tyrant who was facing death. He regretted all the wrongs he has done but the souls of his victims will not forgive him and drag him to hell. Alas I am not satisfied because it lacks the poetic way of expression and revamp the whole thing. I think to myself, how will jayne, joe and a few others write if this is their poem's title and there you have it. I strive hard to get it right. Thanks to all of you who always inspire me with your works.

Lots of love and big hugs
Alid

author comment
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