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Tonight and Every Other Night
I don’t know your middle name but,
tonight I imagined us going down to the park,
to tell the moon about our dreams,
and to dance for the stars as they sing to us.
I don’t know your middle name but,
last night I pictured you holding me on my couch
telling me about your childhood.
I don’t know your middle name but,
tomorrow I will plan sewing an 'M' on your hoodie sleeve
and putting a note in your pocket just before you leave.
I don’t know your middle name,
or much else at all but,
in my eyes my love,
you are all mine.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Not Explicit Content
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Comments
c lynn brooks
Fri, 2021-01-29 15:13
Hello
Interesting that you use "middle name"
last line I believe there is a tiny typo (im) did you mean in?
Chrys
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lovedly
Fri, 2021-01-29 15:42
mddy
I've read three of your 3 poems
you are maddy Madeline or mddy/midday
but poems will shine like moon light
every day
continue to say
what you may
but for worldly success
read and critique/comment
on all poems read
of other poets
have their egos
well fed
Rula
Sat, 2021-01-30 03:54
Mddy
The one thing I'm sure about is that "M" is yours no matter what your middle name is
Good job!
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Ray Whitaker
Fri, 2021-01-29 20:13
Nice theme!
Heartfelt piece, I am looking forward to reading more from you!
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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Geezer
Sat, 2021-01-30 08:41
I understand...
the "I don't know your middle name", part! It's something to let us know that you don't know everything, [or a lot] about this fella, but you do know that you have a deep connection with him. I would take a look at a couple of your lines:
"I plan on sewing [an] M on you[r] hoodie sleeve." [Delete the [will]. And: "[in] my eyes..." Nice write, and very relatable.
~ Geezer.
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