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Today

What do you want of me?
I have years to pull on
Not for all my life,
did I sit in comfort without strife
I have felt the hunger
Hunger for food
For many other things
That at the time things were severe
Yet here I am after many years

Come think about the troubles
Your problems
Are they the same as mine
Did you see the blood spurt,
then flow into a dribble of death
They were only children
Standing there with us
Did you think I did not care
My tears are the same as yours
They fall year after year

Touch that cold when the fire fails
Where their swollen throats
longs for that moisture pure
The waters they drank were bad
There was no tap in their sink
Just a muddy puddle
From which they had to drink
Then those wiggly things
That killed their baby brains

You can laugh, so why so sad?
Can you walk across your room
Then things ain't so bad
My chair it reaches out
For things I cannot do
If only I could live like you
Yet maybe not.
because I can smile
I learnt so many years ago
It is inside where we grow

That old man, as you will say I am
Looked out today
From a mirror hanging on the wall
Things for me aren't so bad at all
I could stand and see all of me
No missing bits just as I was born
But at the edges slightly worn.
But I must be so blessed
To be able to say
That this is just another day

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I can sit here with a computer writing to you all, as another year folds into yesterday. I am so thankful for all the things I have, and have had, yet I must say I cry a lot. One day the children will say they have had enough and make this world what it should be, Have a great 2014 and remember as you write that in most ways you are so blessed Yours Ian.T
Editing stage: 

Comments

and this has it in spades.

There is an honesty, an elegant integrity to this work and a deceptively simple poetic structure.

I am deeply impressed, Ian, this is very fine work.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Thank you so much, I started writing this an hour ago out of the blue.
Whoever gives them out has caught your attention, thanks.
We have been on a long journey young Jess, and you have taught me much.
Not sure what the new year brings, it will make me cry some more, Take care, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

That old man, as you will say I am.....
all now drenched in lotions of experience
and who loves to share
with all
what he has for sure

great friend, philosopher and gentle guide
Ian has all along been mine

He always held my shaking hands
and guided me aright
Next to Stan
Ian is my friend
and a really good man

Read him always if you can
He doesn't smear
but loves a glass of beer
So Ian cheers!

loved

We are many oldish folk that walk this pathway together.
Thank you for your walk with me as this Sojourn draws in the years.
Thanks for saying I don't smear, but on the other side, I refuse to stand by and watch my fellow travellers being insulted.
This is a place for poets to gather and swap comments, or just to read and learn, though we would rather their comments where there for us.
I hope you have had a lovely Holiday, it was so quiet here that I could hear my heartbeat, then the car behind the house started up and took my heartbeat away. I query the thing about Radios being turned up too loud so that the drumbeat comes into our house LOL
Go well young Bard and have a great new year,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

I don't smear, but on the other side, I refuse to stand by and watch my fellow travelers being insulted.

and
let the younger ones be permitted
to have their hearts throb right away
they all r experiencing
if i may say ....
you did many miles in times past your life's ways

Happy New year we all must say
The world is going faster today
than it did yesterday
and its slower than times yet far away

loved

You smear by absence, you try to get approval by pandering. If you spent as much time on your poetry as begging for approval and attention you really could be a quite fine poet.

You have the talent, please use it.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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